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Burnt OUT

I can imagine how this sounds. I just got back from a relaxing vacation.

I came home to an oasis - the backyard is done for this year and it is amazing. We are in the pool nearly every day.

I have a few mini weekend getaways on the calendar coming up.

Hell. I even got a facial the other night.

But I am here to tell you I am BURNT OUT.

But I can still pay my bills and do things...

I knew my vacation high wouldn't last forever, but I thought it would last longer than this.

I like my job. I don't love it, but I like it (or I usually do) and what it affords me. I can work from home - which I love. I make decent money. I am good at my job. But man...some days?

I just feel like chucking it all and starting over. Finding a new career path. But the problem is, usually when you start a new career path, you also start over on your income. And I can't afford that.

And even if I could, I don't know what I would do.

I sort of missed my opportunity. When I started over in 2019, I could have just REALLY started over, figured out a new career and go from there while building myself back up. But I was so concerned with the parts of my life I had just lost, I couldn't fathom starting over workwise too.

Instead of embracing the loss of certain creature comforts, I mourned them. I could have tried downsizing more. Gotten a smaller apartment, maybe in a less nice area. But instead, I grieved what was lost and vowed to get it back. In a manner of speaking.

And I am nearly there. I have a lovely home with the pool like I wanted. I have an incredible fiancé that loves me for who I am - flaws and all. I actually have a better job than I used to have. And I finally got rid of Joan Jetta, clearing the path toward someday getting another convertible (though I will put that off as long as possible).

Life is better than I could hope for.

But real talk? I struggle from 8-5 Monday thru Friday. I am worn out from dealing with the daily minutia. And the answer isn't go find another processing job. It's the same no matter who signs your checks. At least now I work for a woman(at the highest level) that I admire and respect. I have that going for me.

I have no grand career goals other than to make more money so I can maybe retire before the age of 80. I don't want or need more responsibility. I used to think I'd end up in management but the honest truth is I would probably get fired for supporting my staff over Sales.

I know that sounds like what the job should be but evidently it rarely is. So often managers placate Sales while telling Ops they are right but not really because we need it to be the way Sales wants.

It's diplomacy. And I ain't no politician.

I don't know. I've been thinking about trying to be an underwriter.

But is underwriter the "write" progression for me? The pay is better. Is that enough? Am I better off leaving mortgage entirely and finding something new?

Which brings me back to what? There aren't a lot of jobs for someone with no experience or education that make a decent amount of money.

I'd go back to school but I can't figure out what I would study. And I don't feel the need to get a degree for the sake of a degree. It would need to help me move forward in life.

I loved doing weddings but I was never going to be a planner to the stars. Or the wealthy. I was a planner for people like me. That really needed someone to help keep them in their budget. Which as a by-product meant I didn't charge enough to maintain a certain lifestyle to which I have become accustomed.

And I hated giving up all of my weekends, because back then it was so I could spend time with Daniel but that still holds true. I've just moved on to a better person to spend my time with.

I'd love to own a wedding venue but you practically have to be rich to get that started too. That's probably my dream now. Like if I won the lotto (which I never play) and won a large sum of money but not exactly retire at a young age (too late) money. That's what I would do. I'd buy a wedding venue. I'd hire someone to be the manager for the weekends but I could still be involved and I would keep the price reasonable so you don't blow all your budget on the venue. And it wouldn't be a barn or a plantation but just a lovely building with maybe a beautiful landscaped lawn. I can picture it all in my mind.

It was in my grasp a few years ago. There was a location in Round Rock I found and I REALLY wanted it. It was everything I wanted in a venue.

Like you know that scene in Miracle on 34th Street when they are driving home from the Christmas at the "home" and Natalie Wood is all sad because she didn't get what she wanted and is looking out the window and then she suddenly yells "Uncle Fred Stop!" and she goes running up to the house because it is EXACTLY the house that she asked Kris for?

Like that. But I didn't have the capital and while I was pining for it someone else bought it and turned it into a church. And I did look into SBA loans and other avenues but I still needed a large chunk of my own money to get started.

Anyway that's just a pipe dream. I don't have the wherewithal to make that happen. I wish I did. It's a lovely dream.

So yeah. I'm burned out. I'm pretty much in a bad mood all day everyday until my alarm tells me it's quitting time. Literally living for the weekends.

I need a paid sabbatical. I should have looked into jobs that offer those. Or stayed at the one place I worked that did offer that back in the day. That would have been great.

I'll get over it. I always do. In the meantime, thanks for listening.

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