Hello again
Surprise!
I had to go back and read my last post to see where I left off. Looks like I owe reception photos but it sort of feels like too much time has passed? Do you want to see/hear more about the wedding, or are you over it? What about the honeymoon? Does anyone want to hear about Aruba?
*just tell me if you want more, silence will imply you are over it but is kinder. ;)
I'd like to say I've been MIA because I've been so busy and I suppose that wouldn't be entirely wrong. November was full of birthdays (for both us and MANY friends) and Thanksgiving....which also meant decorating for the holidays. Then December we had our annual Christmas party and obviously the holidays themselves. And traveling for work and parties and just a lot.
Then January began my typical post holiday depression. Depression is probably too strong a word and I certainly don't want to de-value (?) anyone's true depression, I just mean everything feels so boring and sad once the decorations are put away (which takes like a week for me to do) and it leaves me in a funk.
All of those things are true. But I think the real reason I haven't blogged since early November is because I have become addicted to Reels on Facebook (and whatever the equivalent name is on Instagram - I'm not on TikTok which is good because I would obviously never accomplish anything in life).
I watch them all the time (when I'm not working) and I just sort of zone out and next thing I know an hour has gone by. There's no such thing as I'm just going to watch one. It's mostly how I decompress at the end of the day.
Sometimes I get holiday decor inspiration. Sometimes I get good recipes and cooking hacks (I sort of hate the term "hack" but it's generally accepted so I will use it). Sometimes I just enjoy laughing at cute animal videos. But mostly I just find them inspiring in one way or another. And occasionally I will go down a rabbit hole*.
*My most recent rabbit hole is #glitchinthematrix stories. Not that I really think we are in the Matrix, but the stories are fun. Obviously I'm from another timeline because I remember when Sinbad was in Shazam!; it was The Berenstein Bears; and Nelson Mandela died in prison.
One of the hacks that I'm currently invested in is for every box that comes in to the house, we have to fill it with things we no longer need and donate them. Items can come from anywhere so there isn't a pressure of let's clean out the closet in a single day. Not that I don't enjoy doing that but my better half has a harder time letting go of things. AKA he hates the thought of decluttering.
I should also state for the record that he is a million light years from when we first met. But that doesn't mean there isn't still work to do. See our collection of coffee mugs for exhibit A.
My main argument I've been using lately is we have lived here for 2.5 years. If you haven't used it in that time, then we probably don't need to keep it. This was particularly useful in me getting rid of unneeded kitchen items. We still have a ways to go, but #babysteps.
Full disclosure I may or may not be referring to my collection of Yoplait Oui yogurt jars. I'll get around to those one of these days.
I'm mostly wanting to get to the closet in his office. Arguably it is one of the best closets in the house (after ours). But it is crammed full of things we don't need. Including but not limited to more than one fur coat from his previous wife. Fur coats that neither fit me nor would I ever have an occasion to wear because I live in TEXAS.
*also fur is bad. But these coats qualify as vintage and isn't it worse to just let them decay in a closet?
Anyway, my main point is I cannot stand clutter. I consider myself a semi-minimalist. I have tchotchkes, but I don't think there is an overwhelming amount. And I primarily hate having things on countertops.
I see a lot of videos of homes with literally nothing on any flat surface to the point that the homes do not look lived in at all. My house isn't like that. If it belongs there it is fine. But I don't leave mail sitting on the counter, or shoes on the floor...though I confess to occasionally leaving my slippers in the movie room because I forget about them.
I truly have a place for everything and I'd say at least 90% of the time I actually put things back where they go immediately.
She says as she glances over at 2 baskets of laundry she did on Saturday and still haven't put away.
I'm not perfect.
I saw a video the other day that I loved because I know I've said this before. The narration of the video was saying how everyone always comments on how clean her house is and she wanted to set the record straight. Her house isn't clean, it's tidy.
Which I had literally said to Elliot just a couple of days before I saw that.
My house is rarely clean, but it is almost always tidy. I typically only dust when I am expecting company. I don't sweep and mop daily. Hell, I rarely sweep or mop. Or vacuum. It feels like a losing battle with the dog. There is dog fur on every surface - it's one of the joys of pet ownership.
But if you are coming over for the first time? You should know I clean and dust and sweep and mop. EVERYTHING.
But the next time you come over, don't check the top of the refrigerator (that's for Susie and Mom2). ;)
I will say though, one room I do typically keep pretty close to spotless is the kitchen. I cannot stand dishes in the sink. The dishwasher is right there - just put them in!
I have a good reason for this. Growing up in the home I did, I was ALWAYS the dishwasher (and sometimes the only one as the trailer did not have a dishwasher). And quite frankly, some of the homes were not exactly bug free. So my main contribution was making sure the kitchen was clean. I haven't lived in a home with roaches in decades. But I will never forget seeing roaches in the sink crawling over dirty dishes (in the full light of day too). That's not something that leaves you.
So yeah. I don't like to leave dirty dishes anywhere.
If I have a party, I don't care how dirty the kitchen is at the end of the night. I'm not going to bed until it is cleaned up.
In our house, we have an agreement that one of us cooks and the other cleans the kitchen. Typically this means Rob cooks and I clean. He gets off a little easier when I cook because I clean as I go. Rob does not have the same aversion to dishes in the sink that I do.
Not every pan needs to soak babe.
A few weeks ago our friend Elliot moved in with us temporarily. He's learning to adjust to my quirks. I know it can seem a little strange to some people - believe me, it was a wake up call for Rob when we first moved in together. He still has a few places where he let's things go and I do my best to look past. For instance I rarely go in his office because there is clutter all over the surfaces and the cats have destroyed the beautiful new carpet and it gives me anxiety. But also the top of his dresser is getting really crowded and he promised to clean it off weeks ago but I refuse to do it for him because I am his wife not his maid and also it is his dresser and if he's ok with it being trashed then why shouldn't I be?
Because our bedroom is also my office space so I spend a lot of time in here and I am aware of it out the corner of my eye. All. Day. Long. That's why.
I have very good peripheral vision.
But Elliot has been cooking for us since he moved in. And cleaning. He doesn't like it when I clean because he thinks its a commentary on his lack of cleaning. But really, it's just my routine.
*Also he is cooking and cleaning as his form of contribution to the household. We did not ask him to do either but we definitely enjoy the fruits of his labor.
Most mornings while I am toasting my English muffin or waffles, or waiting on my tea to brew, I empty the dishwasher. It's just what I do. Plus it makes me feel like I've accomplished something for the day. And if there are dishes in the sink, I just load them in the dishwasher.
It's just what I do. I know already said that, but I meant it.
I'm always multi-tasking. I woke up late on Saturday - I had actually gotten a really good night's sleep. Watched Reels for a bit before getting out of bed and decided to do laundry. So I got up and sorted laundry. Which brought to my attention how dirty the bathroom floor was and maybe I should clean the bathroom. So I go put the laundry in, grab the broom and realized the laundry floor needed sweeping.
Manfred never goes in here so why is his fur all over the place?!
So I start sweeping the floor and the next thing you know I am scrubbing the kitchen down. I dusted my baking supply shelves. I cleaned the shelf above the ovens. Degreased the top of the microwave. That kitchen sparkled when I was done.
Know what I didn't do? Clean my bathroom. Because even though all that cleaning was very satisfying (I wiped down all the cabinet doors and handles even!), by the time I was done with the kitchen I no longer cared about anything else.
Also I rarely leave a room empty handed. So while cleaning the kitchen and doing laundry I was also going back and forth in the dining room and living room. Eventually Elliot came in and took care of the floors and bar - I think he thinks I was upset with him for not cleaning but the truth is I was just in the mood and I knew I needed to ride that wave as long as I could.
Then we watched a few hours of Trixie Motel and if I didn't already want to go to Palm Springs this would have pushed me over the edge. I really want to stay there! I think Trixie Mattel may be my spirit animal. We both love pink, MCM, and Barbies (I don't collect them but I still appreciate them)!
Saturday night Rob and I met up with Magan and Darrell and Marc and Mere for bougie putt-putt AKA The Puttery. It's in The Grandscape in The Colony and we had so much fun! It's indoor mini-golf. They have themed courses - each with their own specialty cocktails. We were in the Library and had so much fun! The only downside was that it was only 9 holes per course. I don't think any of us were ready for it to end.
I'm reluctant to use the words New Years Resolution but if I had made them, one would have been to pay off our credit card debt. It got a little out of control as I previously mentioned because of the wedding. So it would really help me out if people could start buying houses again so I can start making bonuses and pay some things off!
If you are ever in the market for a new mortgage or to refinance, please please please let me know. I'll bake you cookies. Or cakeballs. Carrot Cake?
I've also been trying to curb my (and his) superfluous spending. One of us is better at than the other - shockingly it's me! I even gave myself my last manicure. I did buy a new hairdryer this month but now that my hair is actually getting longer it wasn't so much superfluous as it was a necessity.
It hasn't been easy though.
Much like dieting, if you tell me I can't have something that is now all I want to eat. Can't spend money? My fantasy shopping carts are getting full. It's one of the few good things about not leaving the house much. I can window shop online and not buy, it's much more challenging in person.
I'm not saying I can't. I'm saying I don't want to.
And finally, assuming you have made it this far, another milestone has passed. Yesterday marked 4 years since I publicly announced my marriage was over. The best part? I'd forgotten about it. If it hadn't been for the memory popping up on Facebook I probably wouldn't have given it a second thought.
I wasn't even sure if I should post about it except I think it is important to take stock of how far I've come.
I re-read my post and every single comment of support (as I am certain to do over the next few days and weeks). And I felt sad for that Suzanne. 2019 Suzanne, especially February 2019 Suzanne, was devastated. She knew her life wasn't over but at the same time had no idea how she would move on.
What's worse is she didn't know it would get so much worse before it got better.
But it did. 2019 Suzanne cried a lot. God there was so much crying. She was so sad and the worst part is the one person she wanted to talk to the most about it was the person that hurt her. That didn't care. He never looked back. He started all over with everything he wanted. While she had nothing.
Except that wasn't entirely true. She had an incredible network of friends that listened and supported her. That let her cry. That helped her move and helped her move on.
2019 Suzanne knew that someday she would get over the pain and move on. But it hurt a lot in between. She never could have guessed that in just a smidge over 7 months later, she'd be meeting a total stranger for sushi.
I still remember how scared I was for that first date. I remember thinking I shouldn't be doing this, it's too soon. I remember going shopping for something to wear to my date that day because my wardrobe was missing color. I remember taking a selfie in the mirror and sending it to a few people just in case I went missing and they needed to know what I was wearing.
God I was terrified.
Every other person I had ever dated had been someone I went to school with, or worked with, or met via a friend. I didn't know this guy. I had only been talking to him for a few days.
What the hell was I thinking?
I remember meeting him and immediately thinking I'd over dressed in my pink blouse and jeans (he was wearing cargo shorts and a concert tshirt). But I also remember that he had a nice smile and was easy to talk to. We were there 'til they closed - that's always a good sign - and I don't think either one of us dominated the conversation. It was a true back and forth.
I remember him walking me to my car and being terrified he would go in for a kiss. But he didn't. He was very respectful - maybe because he was afraid I was a little crazy? I mean he had read my entire blog up to when we met so he knew all the details...and anything that wasn't on the internet, I definitely filled in the blanks on the date. I think I was trying to scare him off.
Don't get too attached. I'm damaged goods. This is just practice.
Anyway, you know how the rest of the story goes. I kept seeing him. Kept refusing to call him my boyfriend - even after meeting his mom. I kept him at arms length as long as possible but the truth is, I knew pretty early on.
To paraphrase Sally Allbright, he was supposed to be my transitional person, he wasn't supposed to be the ONE!
So here we are, nearly 4 years later and he still seems to like me. Who'd'a thought?
Now if you will excuse me, I have laundry to put away.
#stilllucky #infinitelybetter #lifeafterdivorce