I've been under the weather the last few days. It started on Thursday but I was able to drug up and power through and thought it would be all good.
But I was wrong.
I woke up yesterday - luxuriously slept until noon - and it was clear this was not going to be ok. Which is always fun to discover on the first day of a holiday weekend. Luckily my doctor was able to call in a prescription for me but it was too late and I had to cancel my Saturday night plans.
Which was a bit of a bummer.
Friday night I spent alone - watching Lucifer, working on my paint by numbers, and baking pineapple upside down cupcakes for a Movie Pool Party I was planning to attend Saturday night. Which, as previously mentioned, I did not attend.
Most of Saturday was spent either sleeping or on the couch. Xander came over Saturday night and brought me dinner and we watched a Netflix movie. It wasn't very good but I do find it comforting when my boys choose to spend an evening with me no matter what we do. Clearly I did something right.
I'm feeling much better today but I still stayed in my pajamas most of the day. And I did a LOT of painting.
Here's the thing. I'm not very artsy. My crafting/arting skills are limited. But I do enjoy the act of it. So last year for Christmas I requested a paint by numbers I had seen advertised on Facebook. Because Facebook reads your mind. Or planted the idea in my head. I'm not sure which. And I told them I didn't care what the subject matter was, I just wanted something to do - a new hobby. So Zach bought me a kit and he chose a Paris scene which is a logical choice because of how much I loved Paris. And I never got around to starting it before February 5th happened.
Paris was always my dream destination. I love the french language - I took 4 years in high school and 1 in college. Movies always made it look so beautiful. And when I was lucky enough to go there a few years ago I couldn't believe that was my life - Paris was everything I hoped it would be. I have close to 10 pieces of art from Paris to remind me of that time. And I have several photos I have framed from my trip.
But February 6th ruined Paris for me. At least a little bit. That's the day I found out about the French whore and suddenly my favorite city in the WORLD was tainted. I still can't think about Paris without picturing her. Or them. Together.
And it doesn't actually matter that I am over him. Because I am. But I had such an amazing time in Paris - it was everything I ever dreamed it would be - and now it is inextricably linked with my two least favorite people on the planet.
I almost let him have all the art but decided against it. And I considered not hanging it up when I moved in. But in spite of everything, those pieces, those photos remind me of one of the best times of my life.
So I hung them up. And I look at them every day. And some days I don't even think about the two people that ruined my life.
And so I got out my Christmas present and got started. If you've followed along on instagram with my progress shots then you know it is a tedious process. I am approximately 24 hours in now and I've got about a third of it done. There are so many TINY numbers. It is so easy to lose track of time when working on it too. I'll see it through to the end because I don't like to leave things unfinished, but I don't think I'll be adding it to my art wall.
I'm still glad for the gift though in hindsight I do wish he had chosen any other scene.
Today was another lazy day - I'm feeling much better and went over to Magan's for Classic Movie Night. Tonight we watched The Wild One with Marlon Brando which is actually kind of hilarious in a completely unintentional way. Especially with the first title card telling you this "shocking story" could happen in a town near year.
Magan recently started law school and I am so in awe of her. She works a full time job, has a 2 year old and a 6 year old, and has decided to go to law school. I do one of those things and I am exhausted. And her husband Darrell is being so supportive and he's going to be doing a lot of things on his own because of how much time law school is going to take. So obviously he's awesome. But because of law school, our weekly classic movie night is getting shuffled around. For starters we are moving it to every other week. I'm not sure if the move to Sunday is permanent or not, but I'll do whatever it takes.
I have no big plans for tomorrow. I'll possibly (probably) spend a good chunk of the day by the pool.
Oh. And Spike is still hanging in there. He seems fine most of the time but he is clearly in pain when he poops and how do I know when I should make the call? I love him so much and I don't want him to suffer...and I don't *think* he is most days. But then he tries to poop and it obviously hurts him and I wonder if I am doing the right thing. I give him laxative as recommended by the vet but it doesn't seem to be helping anymore. He still cuddles with me. He still has the loudest purr I've ever heard. He still enjoys spending time outside. How do you make this decision? I don't want to wait until he *is* suffering all the time. And I can't picture life without him either.
My heart hurts.
I sort of know I need to let him go. But I don't know how I am supposed to bring myself to do it.
I'm sorry. That got sad all of a sudden. I think I've been alone in my apartment for too long. I need to get out more.
At any rate, here we are. September. It has been over 6 months since my world came crumbling down around me. Since I lost nearly everything.
And it has been nearly 6 months (September 9th) since I moved to Dallas looking for a fresh start. I've had my doubts sometimes about whether that was the right decision or not but ultimately I think it was. I honestly don't think I would be this...healed?...had I stayed in Austin. I do miss it but I still think staying there would have made moving on much more difficult.
So here's to the next 6 months. I'm looking forward to this holiday season even if it will come with it's own set of challenges. And I have my Eurotrip AND New York in December to look forward to as well.
#divorce #stilllucky #justdifferent #adultpaintbynumbers #ineedanewhobby