Do you remember last year when I legitimately used the term "mind blown"? It was in reference to finding out that not everyone *hears* a voice in their head.
Honestly that still blows my mind.
One day last week one of my Facebook friends posted something that blew my mind. And you know I do not use that phrase lightly. I don't remember who posted it and I can't find the post again but I have been mulling it over ever since.
And since I can't find the source material, I'll be paraphrasing so I hope I get this right.
Most people are either an ASKER or a GUESSER. Don't worry, I'm going to explain...
An ASKER is someone that asks if they want something. Be it a big or small thing. Sort of the "no harm in asking" philosophy.
A GUESSER is someone that drops hints when they want something expecting the other person to guess what it is they actually want. Because maybe they think it is impolite to ask outright.
An ASKER can think GUESSERs are rude and vice versa.
An example would be I'm heading down to Austin for the weekend. As an ASKER, I might first inquire if Misty will be home that weekend but my follow up would be can we come crash at your place.
Now in my mind, if Misty says no, I'm cool. No further explanation needed. I might check her availability for another weekend or two as my plans may be flexible, but that's it. She doesn't need to explain the reason to me, my feelings aren't hurt, and we are still friends.
If I were a GUESSER, I might say "hey Misty - will you be in town this weekend? Do you have any plans? I've got nothing going on here" until she finally counters with "hey you should come down for the weekend". I'm dropping hints hoping that she will figure out that I want to come visit and I need a place to stay.
So an ASKER might find it frustrating and rude if a GUESSER just drops hints and never gets to the point but a GUESSER probably thinks it is rude for someone to come right on out and ask for what they want.
I found this incredibly enlightening.
I don't know why but I've always been an ASKER. Maybe I grew up hearing no so much that I became immune to it? Like I hear it and acknowledge it but it doesn't hurt my feelings (even if I don't always like hearing it).
I have come to the conclusion that I've been married to GUESSERs. And while that's not to say those relationships were doomed, I think had I known that about us, lines of communication may have been more clear.
I can remember Dean being mad when I would ask someone something. Like asking a friend to babysit for free. He always thought it was rude but to me I just figured if they didn't want to babysit they would just say no.
Or the inevitable "what do you want for your birthday/Christmas?"
I hate that question because I like to be surprised and you should know me at least a little bit. Hell if you have known me for 5 minutes you probably can guess that a gift card to DSW or to get my nails done will always be a popular gift.
But I always respond with a list. I don't expect to get everything on the list. In fact, I'm probably surprised if I get anything from the list. And if the list has 10 items on it that doesn't mean I expect to get 10 gifts. I'm trying to give you options.
I think my lists have always been misinterpreted as "gimme gimme gimme" instead of "a list of ideas from which you can choose". If I tell you one thing and you get that one thing then where's the fun in that? Or if I only ask for one thing and I don't get the ONE thing I asked for then I am opening myself up to disappointment.
And I can tell you exactly where that stems from: going through the Sears catalogue and marking all the things I wanted for Christmas. Or the Toys R Us ads. And for the record, our parents asked us to do it. Not that it mattered. I'm not sure I ever got anything I actually asked for.
I understand that might make me sound like an ungrateful brat to some of you. But my parents couldn't afford the things my sister and I coveted. So why tease us every year with the thought that this time it might be different?
But also, why did I fall for it every fucking year?
I have trust issues. I ultimately want to believe the best of people but I also assume everyone will fuck me over at one point or another. I let my guard down with Daniel. I won't make that mistake again.
Anyway, back to my point. I think if you know this about people it can really help to effectively communicate. Luckily Rob is an ASKER.
But I think delving deeper, maybe this is why some people have assumed I have an ulterior motive in the past? Because they were a GUESSER and they could not figure out what my game was. I'm thinking very specifically of my former sister-in-law Lona (Dean's sister). She was constantly misinterpreting my intentions.
I say what I mean. There is rarely if ever a hidden meaning or message.
And maybe that's why in spite of me repeatedly asking Daniel if we were good or if he was happy, he didn't tell me the truth because "I figured there are some things you can't tell your spouse".
I don't know. Did I explain this right? Does any of that make sense to you? Are you an ASKER or a GUESSER?
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Moving on, we are finally fully vaxxed! YAY! Suck on that Covid!
I did feel a little bad for a few hours the day after the second shot but it was definitely worth it. Now when we get together with our friends or family we can feel safe. Which also means we can actually get together with our friends and family.
I'm honestly not sure who is more excited about this summer - me or Rob. We basically plan to have the pool open all the time but specifically we are talking about Saturday Night Dive In Theatre and Sunday Funday. We will fire up the grill - stop on by.
Note to self (and Rob): we really need to figure out the movie/grill situations.
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Mister Manfred continues to make us smile. He's getting much more comfortable at doggie day at the Pub. And he's even gotten Magan's dog June to play with him which is huge progress for both of them.
He also broke the zipper on his new bed AND his replacement new bed.
Oh! We also made him dog food. I meant to tally up the cost per serving but I didn't so we will do that again. He loves the food. Added bonus - incidents of his horrifyingly noxious farts are way down. Honestly that alone may be worth it.
And we are all out of the doggie treats I made a few weeks ago so I'll probably whip up a new batch soon.
Yes. He is spoiled. #noregrets
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In case you have been wondering why we are having winter again, I spent several hours last Sunday transplanting some lemon balm from around the yard into assorted pots. You know, because spring is here and we were done with the cold weather?
Yeah. Not so much.
Some of the plants seem to have survived the process while others have decidedly not. Just waiting now to figure out who survived the dip in temps and see what needs to be replaced.
At least I tried to save money by using existing plants.
We have purchased some outdoor furniture via an ad we saw on Facebook. The prices were of the too good to be true variety but we figured it was worth a shot. And Rob paid on his PayPal account so we are protected. Fingers crossed.
But also Davide and Al gifted us their old pub height table and chairs for the low cost of one carrot cake (maybe two). I'm planning to freshen up the paint and I know we don't actually need another table and chairs for the back but I think it could be good by the grill. And if not, we can move it to the side yard.
I may have also bought another pillow or two for the back.
Come on SUMMER!
I really hope Manfred is a water dog. He enjoys taking showers so I'm hopeful.
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In case you are wondering we are still waiting on someone to fix the ceiling and install/repair the doggie doors. Why is it so hard for me to PAY someone to come and do a job? I don't even think these are particularly difficult jobs for a semi-skilled handyman.
And while I know I probably could do these jobs myself, by the time I spend the money buying the tools and necessary supplies and the frustration inevitably involved, hiring a pro is definitely worth it.
Now if I could just find a pro to hire...
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OK - that's all for this post. I have a lot more to say but that's going to get it's own post. Stay tuned.