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Saturday...saturday...Saturday Night's All Right...

It's another lonely Saturday. That isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's just what it is.

Oh - but first - I saw Rocket Man last night with Magan. I loved it. It's more a fantastical bio-pic. I totally see this coming to Broadway...I think it would be very easy to translate it to a stage. Great performances by all involved.

I slept in a little this morning - and that was nice. I might have slept longer if the lawn crew wasn't right outside my window. Can't they start at the other end of the complex just once?

The weather is nice today. I started my day as usual...after my shower I popped some waffles in the toaster and went on my patio to water my plants. There was a nice breeze so after eating outside I decided to do some gardening (this mostly consisted of me removing dead heads and leaves and adding a little more soil when necessary). It's not quite the same - obviously - as before, but I have managed to keep almost everything alive and that is something. Especially if you consider I actually have to remember to water my plants as opposed to having a sprinkler system. And I don't have to deal with weeds so that's nice.

Everything on the lattice still lives...well, except for the catnip. But that's much more on Spike than on me. He destroyed it. Guess I need to get him a new one. My plant cart didn't work. I'm not sure if it is because of me using the cart as the vessel (I doubt it) or more because the plants needed more (or less) sun than they got in that spot. I'll have to try again. And I almost killed the succulent with the pretty yellow over watering. I've pruned back the dead leaves and removed the dead heads - fingers crossed I can save it because it really is pretty.

After that I worked up the energy to go get groceries...I HAVE to buy groceries, I have almost no food to eat. I could instacart - and I usually do - but I am so out of food I kind of need to look around and get dinner ideas. So I sat around for a little while and finally left, stopping at Teapioca for a quick treat. (Fun fact, even though it has probably been a month since I was there, the girl behind the counter actually remembered my name. But I guess it isn't every day someone has a break down in the store after ordering a bubble tea.) Then over to Ulta to see if anyone was available for a quick cut (fun fact #2, she totally remembered my name, also probably because I had a breakdown while getting a haircut). I woke up with a mullet this morning so it's super important to get this taken care of ...cut at 8pm. Thus concludes my exciting Saturday night plans.

Next up, I am finally ready and head next door to Target. And I realize I forgot my grocery bags. UGH. I'm greeted at the door by an associate informing me that all of their cash registers are not working. So I take this as a sign from the universe to say fuck it and go back home. But I grabbed lunch first because I really am out of food.

I've spent most of the rest of the afternoon sitting on the couch thinking about going to the pool. But not actually going to the pool. Why didn't I just go to the pool??

I've tried out a couple other dating apps. Bumble - nice in theory but I am just not good at making the first move. WooPlus which lasted about 15's specifically for curvy/BBW. I just wasn't feeling it. Plus you can "earn coins" so you can leave gifts for the people you like. Like back in the early days of Facebook. It just felt too young for me.

Currently I'm on Hinge. Hinge connects to your Facebook and only shows you eligible people from your circle of friends. Or their friends. Or your friends' friends' friends. Think 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon. It's a little weird when you are looking at someone's profile and you see your friends in a photo though. Not bad weird. Just weird.

At first I had my age perimeters set at 38 - 58...10 years up or down from my age but I said that wasn't a deal breaker which meant ANY age could evidently see my profile. I just meant I didn't want to close myself off from someone maybe a little bit younger (or a little older) - you know, just in case. The number of under 30s that "liked" my profile was both flattering and unsettling. I've since re-set my age perimeters. I don't think I can date anyone younger than 36...and even that might be pushing it.

I do feel like the that wrong to say?...of eligible bachelors seems to be better on Hinge. Or maybe there is just a degree of safety in knowing that you probably know someone that knows them? Still. Too. many. beards. Is there a dating site of just clean shaven men? I need to look for that.

Dating apps make you feel shallow. I know from personal experience that I can learn to find someone attractive the more I get to know them. But doing any type of app dating you pretty much have to start with if you think the person is attractive. I'm sure I've swiped left on a guy that is great just because I wasn't instantly drawn to him. I mainly look at the smile first though and go from there so in all fairness if you aren't smiling in any of your photos then that's on you, isn't it?

I definitely lean more toward the younger men. I've only made "connections" to two men on Hinge so far (both 38). Bachelor #1 is an impossibly hot Marine that I cannot see going anywhere if simply because he is THAT attractive. Like for real though - Magan thought he might be a bot he is so hot. In fact, I kept asking him a question that he wouldn't answer - as a Conservative, is he for or against the current administration? Because I can deal with a Republican as long as it isn't a Trump Republican. After asking the third time with no answer I actually said to him "since you won't answer my question I am forced to assume you are either pro-Trump or a bot." And he finally answered...not a Trump supporter or a bot. Which is nice because now I get to know that an impossibly hot YOUNGER man is interested in me. And even though it won't be going anywhere, I'm going to carry that knowledge with me for a while.

Bachelor #2 looks younger than he is...sort of like a younger Agent Coulson actually. Which is a very good thing. He's cute, but not intimidatingly so. He's still 10 years younger than me so I still need to figure out how I actually feel about that. It sounds nice on paper but can I really date someone that much younger than me? We haven't exchanged much more than pleasantries so far, will see how it goes. If it goes any further at all.

I will say the idea of going on a date is - at least for the moment - starting to sound less scary. I still have a SHIT TON of insecurities that will need to be dealt with if I actually get a date but I'm reasonably confident I am ready to try. Mainly because I am afraid the longer I wait the scarier it will get and I end up doing nothing and be a sad, lonely cat lady. Without a cat.

Also thank you to all of you that have subscribed so far! I'm so honored that you have decided to continue this journey with me. Maybe I'm a trainwreck that you just can't look away from...but I'm still glad for the company.

#divorce #dating #stilllucky #justdifferent

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