I caved in last weekend and let Rob come over. I made it 24 days on Round 2. It'd been a full 3 weeks - maybe longer - since either of us had been out of the house (except for neighborhood walks) so I felt chance of contamination was low.
And I won't lie. It felt really, really good to be able to hug him.
He stayed all weekend and got me out of the apartment for a few hours and oh my god I miss things.
We went to the Pub to pick up some shirts Matt made. Not getting a Matt hug was really hard. But we all kept our distance. We talked for a few minutes.
Mostly about how much we miss each other and things. But also about the exciting changes at the Pub. They are using this down time to make some improvements including but not limited to the floor. And while the Pub definitely needs some upgrades, I hope it still maintains it's character and charm.
Part of the charm is that it is such a dive.
After the Pub, we went to Calloways. I've been wanting some plants for the patio but I haven't been brave enough to go out because it wasn't technically essential.
Though I think an argument can be made that beautifying my patio is essential when I am stuck here for who knows how long. Even if apartment management doesn't like it. They can suck it.
So...um...anyway, we went to Calloways. I had my mask and hand sanitizer and I was very careful about touching things (and washed my hands as soon as I got home). It was really nice walking among the plants, even if there were a few times when people got uncomfortably close. I spent way too much on plants - like I do - but I'm not sorry about it.
I've been putting in 50 - 60 hour weeks since early March. I've racked up a fair amount of OT. and even though I haven't seen the hospital bill yet, I am still ok with it.
Also, I'm cutting back on working so much.
It isn't easy. I'm finding it really difficult to end the day at 5:00 even though I'm usually really disciplined about it. But the work is there and OT is approved so it has felt wrong to pass on it. I'm proud to say I have not worked at all the last two weekends and it's looking pretty good for a three-peat. I figure an hour (or two or three) per day is ok but I need to leave my weekends free. No work. Even if there is nothing else to do.
Oh - we also grabbed some fast food while we were out last week and it was delicious but also seemed extra salty probably because my taste buds aren't used to it anymore and it might be smart for me to keep it that way.
While out Rob opened up the sunroof and we rolled down the windows and it was almost like being in a convertible. It is stupid how much I miss that car.
So yeah. I went out in the real world. It was brief but lovely.
And now my patio is pretty again and I enjoy sitting out on it. I actually will go out several times a day. To water the plants or just unwind. It's a remarkable difference.
In other news, last weekend I received a surprise gift in the mail from my cousin Tina! It's crazy how much that meant to me. It was a sweet gesture - she included some of her own products from her shop Make Mine Homemade. (PS Tina you really should add an About Me to your site)
I definitely got misty and had Rob not been there I would have likely full on cried. Not so much because he was there, but more if he wasn't I would have been even more overwhelmed with loneliness and the thoughtfulness. We aren't close, and she lives in North Carolina (I think), but she took the time to reach out to me anyway. It meant a lot to me.
I had an epiphany of sorts the other day. I am reasonably certain I am now at the longest I have ever been in my life without a pet. Definitely since 1986.
We always had pets growing up. Almost always a cat - at least one - and sometimes a dog (or two). At least as long as I can remember.
But 1986 is the year I turned 16 and I got my sweet kitty Minuit for my birthday. I loved that cat. I used to refer to him as my first born.
I remember when I was pregnant and people asked if I was going to keep my cats (Rhett had come along a few years after Minuit - the best part of a failed relationship). Of course I was keeping them. They were 7 and 10 at the time - what kind of question was that?
Minuit died shortly after turning 16. It was sudden - he had not been ill and I still don't know why it happened. I was devastated to say the least. Rhett had passed the year before I think so Minuit was the only pet we had. A few months later Widget fell into our lives and a couple of years later Spike came along. So since 1986 with a brief hiatus, I have had at least one pet.
That's a long time to go cold turkey.
I'm still annoyed that my apartment wants to charge me another pet deposit if I were to get another pet. So that's not happening anytime soon.
All this is just really to help me understand exactly why I feel so lonely now. Because I've had someone with me on a near daily basis since 1986. Even if they were covered in fur.
I've also continued working on my wool felting project. I'm working on Santa now and it's going pretty well. It's really cool to see this soft piece of wool form into a firm shape just because I stab it a few hundred times. Also the stabbing is very therapeutic.
Although I did slip earlier this week and stabbed a finger so hard it is still bruised.
And speaking of therapeutic, I'm going over to Rob's tomorrow to help him with some lawn work. I'm very excited about this. There are trees that need pruning! Wish me no snakes or spiders please.
Here's something Rob and I were talking about last weekend. It's no surprise I have trust issues. And yet I always choose to trust people until they give me a reason not to trust them. Isn't that weird? Like I trust a person but its always a little in the back of my mind...some day that person is going to fuck me over. Until I've known them long enough to not think it. But it definitely takes a while for that nagging voice to go away.
But yet I also try to see the best in people and situations. My first instinct is never that a person wants to use me or take advantage of me. Hell even when it is obvious it can be hard for me to see it. Is it naivete? Optimism? I don't know why. I've certainly had enough experiences to be hardened and bitter. I'm just not.
I'm not trying to brag or anything, just trying to shed some light on me. And it isn't always easy. Lord knows, last year was a daily battle. And I definitely still have my moments.
I can be petty. I know Daniel and the French Whore are getting married sometime soon. And I'm not going to pretend to be sorry that their plans have probably had to change because of everything.
I've thought about sending a gift. Specifically to her. Though I would probably have to address it properly using her name instead of The French Whore and I don't think I'm prepared to do that.
And while I love the idea of the gift in theory - sending her the 10 year anniversary book - in reality it is just too personal. And she definitely wouldn't care anyway. Hell she'd probably laugh about the time I wrote how glad I was she was able to take care of him when he was staying with her and her husband in Paris.
See it's funny because she wasn't married then, only Daniel had left out that minor detail.
Whatever. I'm over it. That part anyway. But it still fucking pisses me off that my whole world changed because he couldn't be honest. It just feels like extra punishment, you know?
The husband you adored cheated on you - congratulations you win a divorce!
But that's not all - we are going to take everything you love away from you - except for your dying cat because that will be bonus pain later.
And as an added bonus, you will have to live in an apartment with stompy upstairs neighbors.
But wait! There's more...you will also be quarantined in your apartment with stompy upstairs neighbors for an indeterminate amount of time.
Ugh. 2019 still wins in the history of terrible years for me. Even though some good things happened. Xander beat cancer. And I met Rob.
And 2020 started on a personal high note for me. I mean, I spent Valentine's weekend on a romantic beach getaway with Rob. And we had psuedo planned a trip a quarter for the rest of the year. Now they might all be called off. Heck I don't even know if we can take a road trip to Austin.
I don't like this quarantine but ultimately this year hasn't been too bad for me. I have some friends that haven't been so lucky. One discovered breast cancer but has a good prognosis. Another one had a pretty severe health issue - she's okay now, but she's going to definitely have to readjust her life. I'm not going into details because not mine to share. But I'm glad they acted quickly.
Life goes on. It's different in some ways, and I know we all have our good and bad days. I've been trying to reach out to people and touch base but please don't be offended if I haven't gotten to you. Some of you are pretty active on social media so I get a good feeling from that.
But if you need someone to talk to, I'm here. Give me a call, message me on Facebook, send me a letter.
I'm not going anywhere.