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Self-Quarantine: Day huh? Round what?

I give up. I've lost count. I'm not even fully sure you can even call what I'm doing now as self-quarantine anymore. It's not quite back to pre-pandemic standards, but I am working on it.

I'm still reluctant to give hugs. But I have given a few. Between consenting adults I guess it's ok now? Until I find out I have Covid and go into hiding for the rest of my life.

I had to look it up. I haven't posted since May 21st! So much has happened, so get comfy.

The Covid wedding we went to was in a lovely Craftsman inspired chapel in Fort Worth. Every other pew was marked off so we were socially distant enough I felt comfortable removing my mask once we were seated. Both the bride and groom were radiant. I felt a little bad because they had clearly intended a larger wedding and I know they were disappointed some of their family and friends were not there. I'm glad we went.

The reception was at Shady Oaks and we basically (mostly) kept to ourselves. Once again I think most of the guests self regulated - it wasn't assigned seating but there wasn't that many of us there. The food was great but we waited nearly 2 hours for the bride and groom to show up and we were outside so by the time we ate, we made a swift but polite exit almost immediately after.

Then on our way back home we stopped at New Garden Ridge (or At Home if you want to be specific) and I picked up some cute pots for my plants Xander bought for me for Mother's Day. Can I tell you how much I miss shopping? ESPECIALLY at New Garden Ridge?? But the new "formal" face mask I wore for the wedding doesn't breathe that well and I was too hot to walk around so we grabbed the pots and left. But that is the first time I have been in a store to shop since early March.

Sure, I've saved some money. But at what cost?

The next weekend we headed down to Austin to visit Misty and her husband Ron. I coordinated their wedding a few years ago - it makes me so happy how many of my former clients have become friends.

Anyway, I adore Misty and Ron seems like a cool guy. They were fantastic hosts in their beautiful home. I mean really guys. It's practically a mansion.

Maybe not quite a mansion but I could have lived in the theatre room.

We spent several hours out on a boat on Saturday and it was so nice to see the water level so high at Lake Travis! We had a great time, neither of us got a sunburn, and I even got in the water a little bit.

I'm not super found of being in water that I can't see through to the bottom.

My only regret on the weekend was not being able to stay awake! Both nights I had to turn in relatively early - which I attribute at least partially to how relaxed I was. It was definitely not the company.

Overall I give them a 5 star yelp review. And it only cost me one carrot cake so definitely affordable. ;)

On our way out of town we stopped by Rob's friend Jenny's for an hour or two then on to Hutto to pick up a ridiculous number of pies - mostly for my boys, and stopped by my old neighborhood to see John and Marie.

It was a little weird seeing my house. The new owners painted the front door a blah grey and have not maintained the gorgeous new flower beds I had just put in. Unless weeds count as maintained? I can't imagine what the back looks like. It didn't make me as sad as I thought it might, maybe because it really didn't look like my house anymore.

It was great seeing John and Marie. They were wonderful neighbors and are fabulous people and I hate that stupid racists bought my beautiful home. I wish we had spent more time getting to know each other when I lived there but I'm grateful our friendship hasn't ended because I moved.

And yeah, even though I initially planned to not hug anyone, I hugged everyone. With their permission of course.

I've continued to be slammed at work. And I mean slammed. I cannot catch up. It's overwhelming and I had a pretty major breakdown. I've been putting in some pretty late nights to try to keep up but I just can't keep that pace anymore. I snapped.

I told management I was overwhelmed and asked for help. I wasn't given any. I am barely treading water but I'm sort of past the point of caring.

Don't get me wrong - I am EXTREMELY bothered that I am so far behind. I HATE missing deadlines. But I'm only human - I still need to eat and sleep sometimes. So I'm doing my best. It's not good enough right now, but that's all I've got. I told them I refuse to work past 7pm anymore in addition to the weekends (unless I just really feel like it but I didn't tell them that).

Some night's as a way to unwind when I finally stop working I've been working on my felted wool pieces. I've finished Santa and am starting on the Christmas Elk.

Don't look at me - that's what the kit calls it.

I've also picked back up on the paint by numbers. I'm close to finished. Except for the two colors I ran out of. But that's ok because I'm a glutton for punishment and I bought 3 more paint by numbers to do and I'll just steal colors from them to finish this one.

Oh! I've also eaten at real live restaurants the last few days. The first was Lupe Tortilla (of course). Frankly I could get used to eating at restaurants right now. We walked right in during lunch on Saturday and immediately were seated.

Tableside guac....I've missed you. You too beef fajitas.

And how could I forget my Mexican Martini? It's been too long.

Sunday Rob and his son Duncan and I joined Magan and Darrell at the Black Lives Matter march on City Hall. I am woefully out of shape - which should come as a surprise to literally no one and barely made it the half mile there. But in my defense it was like a thousand degrees outside and I was wearing a mask - which let's face it, only contributes to the heat index.

I have GOT to start some sort of exercise routine.

But anyway, my fleeting discomfort is immaterial. BLACK LIVES MATTER. This should not be a political issue. I don't know what the answer is...I don't know how to make it better. I just know we need to BE better.

I'd also like to state for the record that I do back the blue. I have many friends in law enforcement and I have seen how they hurt right along with the rest of their communities when cases like George Floyd and Breonna Taylor happen. I do think the vast majority in law enforcement are good.

I don't think getting rid of the police is the answer but like Chris Rock said - some jobs can't have a bad apple.

Having said that, I know that I speak from a level of relative privilege and I cannot compare my experiences with those of people of color.

I even did one of those Buzzfeed quizzes to check my level of privilege but it said I wasn't privileged and although I have been poor, I know I am privileged now.

Fun fact - I think I misspelled privileged a different way every time in the above paragraph.

And it isn't that I don't think all lives matter - because they do. Hell, I'm pretty sure back when the Pulse shooting happened I posted something along the lines of hashtag LGBTQLIVESMATTER hashtag TRANSLIVESMATTER #BLACKLIVESMATTER hashtag BLUELIVESMATTER hashtag ALLLIVESMATTER

I'm using the word instead of the symbol so as to not take away the important one at the moment.

And my point then wasn't to negate the plight of the LGBTQ or Black communities because I am 100% an ally. Although I have read some explanations recently as to why that was bad before and why I didn't use the symbol on those above.

My point is, if ALL LIVES MATTER, then don't black lives matter? Why would you try to negate the #BLM movement by using the other hashtag? And honestly, if all lives matter, then shouldn't that include refugees and homeless and LGBTQ and children and people of color?

I admit that it does feel like a lot of people chiming in with ALM don't really mean it. They just mean people that share their skin color.

One of the most eye opening things to come out of the 2016 election was how pervasive racism still is. And that just because I don't personally see it or experience it every day, doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

Back in the early '90s I spent 9 months living in Jackson, Mississippi. It was the longest 9 months of my life (and I carried twins for 9 months that were born in AUGUST, so I know what a long 9 months feels like). But the racism was so flagrant EVEN IN THE '90s, that everyone just assumed you were racist. I can't tell you how many white people said openly offensive, racists comments to me and expected me to just nod and agree. And of course the black people assume you are racist too. I literally ate at a restaurant and the men at the table behind us were openly and loudly talking about the KKK meeting they had just come from. Even in the '90s, Jackson had what was known as the black mall and the white mall. And Jackson is the capitol!

So while my eyes were opened while I lived there, once I left and the racism wasn't so blatant I let myself think it wasn't so bad. That we had progressed. And it makes me so sad that I was wrong. And I know I was wrong because of my privilege.

To be clear, I do not have to personally experience racism to know it exists. I do not have to personally experience racism to know it is wrong. Can we PLEASE be better?

As I was walking away one of the girls was laughing at herself for smiling for the pic. #blacklivesmatter

There have been some exciting developments this weekend.

Rob and I are looking for a house to buy together.

This may prove challenging because while I actually want a house that needs some minor improvements - so I can choose my own floors and counter tops - Rob doesn't exactly have the ability to see past what is right in front of him to what could be.

Which is one of the contributing factors as to why I cannot convince him to keep his house and just let me do my thing.

This was made patently obvious as we looked at the first two of what is sure to be many properties last night. I loved the first one. It needs new floors and the kitchen is nearly a gut job but the layout really works for us. I felt like I could really make it ours. Backyard was nice too (pool and hot tub). And it fit nicely in the middle of the budget. Even though he liked it on paper, he claims to like #2 better.

The second one we looked at was updated. But I still HATED the kitchen counter tops, it was significantly smaller, the master bath was disjointed and weird, and frankly I thought the living/kitchen area was a little too open for me. But everything was shiny and new and I think he just couldn't look past that.

I will concede it had the nicer backyard. But it was more expensive and to me still had a significant amount of work to do on it.

Side note: why are master suites SO BIG? I just need a bed in the room and elbow room in the bathroom. House #1 - I think I could have fit at least a queen size bed in it and still not have used up all the floor space.

So back to the drawing board. I didn't expect we would buy the first house we saw but I fear it might be a bit more of a challenge to find something we both agree on than I thought initially.

Kind of funny when he says he doesn't really have a style but he clearly does. He definitely likes a more traditional look in architecture but really liked the very modern and open floor plan of house #2. He also is very fond of heavy antiques. I know I said I would be a decortator but I still want it to be his house and not just mine.

Our design aesthetics are vastly different so this is going to be a challenge. I can do it, I just need him to trust me. Which is hard for someone that hasn't watched as much HGTV as me.

Plus I've just always had a flair for decorating.

Our goal is to be in a new place no later than end of September because I told him I would love to be able to decorate a house for Halloween this year. Fingers crossed.

Well that pretty much brings us up to date for now. I'm exhausted and have an overwhelming amount of work to not be able to do tomorrow so see you next time. Thanks for reading. <3

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