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Thankful Heart Part 2

Time for a thankful November update.

This past weekend we finally had Rob's birthday party. It was my gift to him. I had decided on a Woodstock theme because he loves music and concerts so much...and I love theme parties so much. Lucky for me he loved the idea.

We had the party at Uptown Pub. I've been spending a lot of time there, especially since the summer. It's sort of been my home away from home. It helps that Matt is there and that he introduced me to an incredible group of friends that embraced me and made me feel at home (insert massive gratitude comment here). And well, since I no longer have a nice party house, the Pub seemed a logical choice.

Plus I didn't have to worry about stocking drinks or clean up so bonus!

I could tell Rob was excited about the party because the week leading up to it he would go through the entire RSVP list and tell me who was in and how he knew them. Every day. It was pretty cute. I was so glad to see how excited he was.

And man. His friends came OUT. We had such a great turn out...I think we had 60 RSVPs and I'm guessing at least that many people came. I'm pretty sure 90% of the bar was there for his birthday. And so many people were totally into the spirit and dressed was great! (check out my instagram for the pics!)

Seriously. He had people there that he has known since kindergarten. Middle School. High School. Old jobs and new jobs. Friends traveled in from Austin and Kansas just to celebrate with him. It was kind of incredible to see the amazing amount of love that was there.

And if I had a dollar for every time someone came up to me an said "thank you for making Rob so happy" or "I've never seen Rob happier" or "Rob is such a great guy"...well, I'd be getting a Christmas mani-pedi tomorrow.

But yeah. If I had any doubts about whether or not Rob is as great as he seems to be, the party squashed them. That many people don't show up to a party unless they really love a guy. I can only hope I am that well-liked by so many.

We've got a groovy kind of love.

And guys. He had SO. MUCH. FUN.

And I made a new friend too. One of his BFFs came down from Kansas and she is great. We totally hit it off. Kristen you are welcome to come stay with me anytime.

It was a fantastic, fun-filled weekend.

And now it is all about ME!

LOL - just kidding. Sort of. I mean, my birthday *is* in a couple of days and I've put off my traditional month long celebration in favor of concentrating on Rob's 50th.

Also, I posted on Facebook that I am requesting donations for Operation Kindness for my birthday. Obviously I don't need anything...not that I don't love getting gifts...but Operation Kindness is near and dear to my heart. It is the local no-kill animal shelter where I found Spike 16.5 years ago. I recently signed up to be a volunteer - I start next week. I can't think of a better way to love and honor my sweet Spike than to give back to the place that brought us together.

Great. Now I'm crying. I'm such a sap.

Obviously I am grateful for Operation Kindness, not just for Spike but for all they do. I can't wait to start helping out there.

My foot is getting better. Sort of. I still haven't seen a doctor because I'm equal parts lazy, cheap, and broke. But also there has been some improvement. I still have a hard time moving my ankle without seeing stars but I did stuff my fat foot into a regular shoe instead of the boot tonight so that's something. Right? I just want to be able to drive again. I don't like having to depend on other people.

But I am very grateful I have them to depend on when I need them. Also, thank gawd for instacart.

My birthday is Friday and I can't help but think what my life was like this time last year. How happy (and oblivious) I was. I found out much later that when he had returned from his trip to Paris just before my birthday last year was when he decided he was leaving me. Which in hindsight explained a lot. I just hope this next year is a lot better. Like a LOT a lot.

Also, I went down a rabbit hole last week. You know, like when you watch one YouTube video and next thing you know its been 4 hours of YouTube videos? Only it wasn't videos.

I found the journal I had given him for our anniversary last year. The one I wrote in every single day for a year. Telling him how much I loved him. How grateful I was for him and our life together. How proud of him I was. The one with photos from our life.

That journal.

It mostly made me mad. And feel a little foolish. But not sad really and that seems kinds of weird. It's just reading things like "I'm so glad (the French Whore) is there to take care of you while you are sick" because I thought he was staying innocently with a friend and her husband and not the whore actively seducing my husband makes me so mad I want to vomit. I'm so angry that he did that to us. I'm so mad that he didn't care enough about me to show me a shred of respect.

But there were also entries that were really sweet or romantic and I think how could he have been faking it all? Could he really have just been living a lie the whole time? Is he really that good of an actor? And if he wasn't acting the whole time and it was sincere, how did it go so wrong so quickly? And without my knowledge?

I'd like to be clear in stating I am completely over him. But that doesn't negate all that was lost. If anything, it just reinforces my desire to find it for real. With someone that isn't faking it. Someone that really does love me and respect me instead of just going through the motions.

So I guess I'm kind of grateful for going down that rabbit hole. For the reminder.

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