The First Day
Originally published on Facebook on 06/04/2019
Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I know it is sort of a tired cliche but it feels appropriate today.
And I do feel a sort of...calm? Peace? today...I’m not sure exactly how to phrase it. Yesterday was awful. But I feel like I threw the last shoveful of dirt on the coffin and I had a wake with a lot of friends last night and it is time to move on.
I can’t say I won’t still be sad but I just woke up today with maybe a renewed sense about me. Of course that may change by noon but that is where I am right now.
There is so much power in surrounding yourself with people that care about you. Whether in person or from a distance, knowing there are people that care enough about me to reach out or be there. It means so much - I cannot express enough gratitude. I could not have survived these last 4 months without all of that support. And I definitely still need it.
I was telling people last night that I have felt the need to replace everything. It’s sort of silly - and very expensive - so clearly I can’t replace it all. But I’m working on the wardrobe...it just feels like EVERYTHING reminds me of him and all I have lost. I can’t replace my sofas (also I love them) but every night I would look over at the couch and just see him sitting there. I hope the throw pillows I bought will change that - at least a little.
Betty said something last night that really spoke to me. That I need to start making memories in this apartment so that even if the furniture is the same, the memories won’t be. And she’s right. So I’m going to start inviting you all over and I need you to come.
Magan and I have been having a classic movie night the last few weeks and I’d like to open it up and see if anyone else is interested in joining us. We’ve been doing it on Friday nights - she and I have been rotating pizza and Andy’s duties but if anyone else is interested we can maybe make it a potluck or something. And maybe instead of Andy’s I can make cake balls for us sometimes. So...if you are interested in a weekly classic movie night - or maybe once a month even - let me know and I will set up an event.
I’d also love a game night if anyone is interested...let me know. Space might be a little limited but I can squeeze 6 people around my table. And some games don’t need a table.
Also it is summer and this apartment has a pretty nice pool so if anyone wants to come hang by the pool with me, I’m ALWAYS up for that. I’ll even make a pitcher of Pimm’s Cup for us.
And finally, although I am an over-sharer on Facebook I do have a hard time asking individually for company. And you all have been so kind and generous in your offers but I know you have your lives and (yes I am aware it is silly) but I don’t want to impose. So if you are ever up for going out to dinner or drinks or shopping or whatever, please let me know.
Odds are, I am available and would love to see you.