The Lazy Influencer
I promise this is not a self-pity post.
Today is December 13th. A day of infamy – for me at least.
One of the first things I do every morning is check out my Facebook memories. Most days it is just a nice reminder of the incredible life I have had since I joined Facebook in 2007.
It’s been mostly amazing.
Then there are days like today. On this day in 2008, I married who I thought – who I KNEW in that moment – was the love of my life. We were married for 10 years and while life wasn’t always perfect, I truly thought we were both in it for the long haul.
At least I was.
Anyone that’s been reading this for a while know that was only true for one of us. But I promise I am not really here today to rehash that.
It’s just, one of the things that really stung when everything imploded in 2019 was when he told me I never made him feel like he was enough for me. That I always wanted more.
Man. That was devastating for me to hear. Because not only was it NOT true, but I had spent so much of our time together telling him how grateful I was for our life together. The thought that I hadn’t made that message clear cut me deeply.
For a minute, I didn’t even blame him for going somewhere else.
I cried on a few shoulders and was set straight. Any one I spoke to told me they knew how much I loved and appreciated him and our life together and that he was just saying that to hurt me. Then I woke up the next morning and Facebook reminded me that my friends were right. Because on a random day of the week, no anniversary of anything, I had posted about how grateful I was for our life together.
And I know I told him ALL THE TIME that I loved him and what he meant to me. And that if nothing in our lives ever changed again I would be beyond happy.
I don’t *think* I am materialistic.
Do I enjoy shiny new things? Yes. Do I probably spend more money than I sometimes should on home décor? Maybe. Do I have about a 100 different ways to spend any extra money I come across?
I plead the fifth.
But even if all those things are true, it doesn’t mean that I can’t live without all of this. Yeah I might be sad at the loss of a few things but I’d keep anything truly important (and frankly most likely of little value) if I had to downsize again. I enjoy all that I have in my life. Every piece sparks joy.
Except maybe some wishful thinking clothes that are still too tight.
But that doesn’t mean I couldn’t live without all of this.
My point is, even if I like shiny new things, it doesn’t mean I have to have them. And it never did. And just because I admire something doesn’t mean I have to have it.
I feel this message is especially important at Christmas.
Anyway, all I am saying - to Rob and the rest of the universe - is I am so happy and grateful for the life I have. For every person, place, and thing in it. And I am not settling and I am not dealing in the next best thing.
It is the NEXT best thing.
I only thought it was the best before.
These December 13th reminders don’t make me sad any more. I know I could turn them off but life is full of ups and downs. We take the good, we take the bad, we take them both and then you have the facts of life (facts of life).
Did you sing that too?
Besides, those that choose to ignore history are condemned to repeat it, right?
So Rob, I especially want you to know that even when I get cranky or snippy I am incredibly grateful for your love, support, friendship, and just our life together.
I am not trying to keep up with the Jones’ and I am not settling for second best. I love you. I love our life. And I cannot wait to spend the rest of it as your wife.
I know the last bit of rhyming moves that into extra cheesy category but I stand by it.
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I have a bad motivator.
I’ve mentioned this once or twice before. Maybe it’s Covid…the isolation of it all. And yes, I am fully aware this is coming from someone that has traveled on a plane 3 times this year. For fun. I get it.
I don’t know. I just feel a general sense of malaise about *doing* things.
I have a good job. I don’t love it all the time and I really think I could do with a career change. The problem lies in I’m good at what I do and I make pretty good money doing it. And because of that, I have grown accustomed to a lifestyle that requires I maintain that income level.
Starting over career wise isn’t a good move for me this late in the game.
I still think moving into an underwriter position might help get me through to retirement but moving into that role is a challenge.
I just know I am not excited about my job and I look forward to 5:00 and Fridays even more than I use to.
Rob plays no small part in that, even though most of our evenings are spent bingeing some new show (we are currently watching Psych and yes I 100% get why all of you have been trying to get me to watch it all these years. We love it.). But I love being with him just watching TV on the couch.
So much so that I ignore some of the little things around the house that need to be done. But we did knock out 2 big little projects over the last week…
I finally painted the backs of the living room built ins and the interior bar doors. This has been an unfinished project just about since we moved in.
And Rob painted the benches and table I had made for him when we moved in. There’s some tweaking that needs to happen but I’m very excited about how it looks so far!
Neither of these projects took much effort or money. We did buy more paint and stain than needed so we did waste a little, but both projects were under $100 total. Why did it take a year and a half to do them?
Bad motivator.
I’m having a hard time with Noom. I haven’t made much progress (ie NONE) the last 2 months and it made me fall off the wagon in discouragement. But I restarted the other day and I’m hopeful it will give me the kick I needed. But the root of it is, bad motivator.
And then the thing we have to most look forward to – the wedding! I’m so excited about it! We are planning a really great, fun party but I’m still sleeping on it. I know, there wasn’t a wedding disclaimer on this post. Let’s just say we finally ordered the save the dates this last week and I’ll post more wedding stuff later. But there’s still a lot that needs to get done ASAP and yet neither one of us ever wants to do it. And no, I don’t think it’s a Freudian sign or anything. It’s just a bad motivator.
That, and Psych is hilarious.
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We went to our friend Louise’s Christmas party Saturday night. Met some lovely people, saw some old friends. We haven’t seen Louise since the beginning of the pandemic and we used to see her all the time. It was really nice.
Louise has a beautiful home. It’s a cute little house near Bishop Arts (but not in Bishop Arts) built in 1920. And she has it filled with antiques and curios and it is just so full of unique and interesting pieces. She has an incredible eye for that sort of thing. There’s a lot going on and yet it doesn’t feel cluttered. And it’s just fun to snoop around and see everything – her house is always different. I mean she literally loves to rearrange her furniture and she trades pieces and it’s just so her. I love it.
She also has a great group of friends. I was talking to one guest – it was brief and I didn’t catch her name – but we were standing side by side facing forward. She looked at me to say something and then did a double take. Followed quickly by a compliment.
On my nose.
Here’s the funniest part to me, this is not the first time a total stranger has complimented me on my nose. And I just find it the oddest thing to compliment someone on. Not that I’m not grateful for the compliment, I’ll take what I can get.
Does anyone remember the Kirstie Alley series Veronica’s Closet? There was an episode where they had a contest and the winner was going to be on the new catalogue. You never actually saw the winner but the consensus was she was not someone you would want to put on the cover. Until Veronica realized this person had one perfectly shaped leg (actually it might have even been her calf, or her foot – anyway, it was a weird thing). And that’s what went on the cover.
So when someone compliments just my nose, there’s also a slight feeling of is that the best thing you can say about me?
Hello. I’m very insecure.
The first time I ever got this odd compliment was when I went on a modeling go-see back in the day (essentially an audition in case you are unfamiliar with the term). The person I met with couldn’t stop complimenting my nose. Like that was a perfectly normal thing to compliment someone on.
Umm thanks?
I left in tears because how was I ever going to make it as a model if the best thing you can say about me is I have a perfect, ski slope nose?
And yes, that’s how she described it.
And also I did not get the job. Or any other paid modeling job. But that’s another story.
The next time this happened was in October 2008. I could tell you the exact date except I can’t remember, but it was at David and Shawn’s wedding. We were standing in line for the buffet when a woman not only complimented me on my nose but then brought her mom over to see my nose. Then they both gushed about it for like 5 minutes.
Talk about awkward.
And later when I was telling this story to my former friend Lanie she jumped in with an OMG I thought that the first time we met but I thought it would be too weird to say anything. And the she went off on a spiel about how perfect my nose is.
Anyone else find that odd?
I mean, obviously thank you but odd, right?
I also spent quite a bit of time with my new friend Lesandra and her daughter Andrea. Lesandra is 80 and the cutest thing ever. I just loved talking to her. She and her husband were married 50+ years. I envy that.
And then Andrea (also super cute in her green muppet fur vest) and I were talking and we talked about work – turns out they are realtors so we could talk a little business. One thing led to another and now Andrea is convinced my next career move is to be a successful influencer.
LOL I love her enthusiasm but I see how much work those people put into their social media and I just don’t think I’m cut out for that. She thinks that’s my brand.
So if you are looking for a lazy influencer with a bad motivator, you’ve found your girl. Hmmm...should I rename my blog?
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That’s all I’ve got for now. I hope you have a wonderful Monday and that all of you have a good, working motivator.
#stilllucky #infinitelybetter #skislopenose #badmotivator #starwars #onwardandupward #movingon #lazyinfluencer