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The Messy Baker - Day 4

Confession - by the time day 4 rolled around I was kind of baked out. I did manage to make some sugar cookie dough on Saturday and baked and decorated them on Sunday with Rob, Savreet, Xander. and Zach. Duncan was with friends.

I sort of regret that I never got around to baking the chocolate chip or butterscotch cookies but as I still have quite a bit leftover, I think I'll be fine for a while.

The kids were all in Austin on Friday for their friend Chris' wedding - this is at least the 3rd of their childhood friends that has gotten married.

Nothing makes you feel old faster than kids you knew when they were in kindergarten get married.

Unless it is when they start having babies.

Back in August when my boys turned 26 (!), it really hit me that at their age I was married and had twins. And I remember how mature I felt at the time.

Ah. The naivete of youth.

I'm not saying I regret my first marriage. I loved Dean and we were very happy for a long time. And I have two wonderful young men thanks to that marriage.

But looking back on on 25 year old Suzanne? That feels like a different person.

I feel like I am still the same person at my core but I still had a lot of growing up to do. Which is at least a little bit why I felt so coonfident that marriage #2 was going to work.

I was more mature. I knew exactly what I wanted out of a partner and marriage and most importantly I felt more confident in who I was.

But we all know how well that worked out, don't we?

Now the man that once claimed my boys as his and didn't need any children of his own, is remarried and has a baby (that is named after our old cat and you cannot tell me differently). So now I can no longer be petty and wish them ill because an innocent child is involved.

But I don't exactly wish them well either.

What can I say, I'm still a work in progress.

And no, I am not spying on him and I truly give zero fucks about either of them any more. But we still have mutuals on Facebook, some of which post pics that come across my feed from time to time.

Would I have done anything differently, knowing what I know now? Wisdom coming with age and all the hindsight being 20/20?

Not really. I definitely would have told Dean I was unhappy 2 years earlier so maybe we could have had a chance of making it.

But if I still married #2, I still probably would have implicitly trusted him traveling all over the world. Which feels dumb to say, knowing what I know now. But I just can't imagine being anything other than supportive of a loved one's dream. Which is what I was.

But the marriage probably also would not have lasted as long.

I told him when certain actions made me uncomfortable in his travels. He ignored them (hello red flag). But unless I was truly gifted with the knowledge I now possess, I cannot imagine not trusting him.

Its my weird fatal flaw. I have horrendous trust issues but yet I also completely believe in the good of the people I love and that they would never harm me.

Even though I have historic and empirical evidence to the contrary dating back to my childhood.

What is wrong with me?

Glutton for punishment I guess.

Anyway, I feel like this post has gotten off topic.

Wishing you all a joyous holiday season and a wonderful New Year. #mistermanfred #justturned3


We open gifts at 10 on Christmas morning. Mostly because I am a big giant kid that can't wait to see everyone's faces when they open their gifts. But also because I am a big kid and I can't wait any longer than that.

Yes I like gifts too but it is more about the giving than the getting for me.

This year I made 2 out of 3 of our boys cry. Which wasn't exactly what I intended but I'll take it.

For my boys I found these recipe binders at Kohl's (not these exact ones but I can't find them on the website now but this gives you the idea). And instead of typing out the recipes and printing two copies, I hand wrote some of their favorite recipes and included a little note to each of them.

I don't know how much more time I have on this earth. I hope it is a lot. I hope to see great grand-kids some day. But I'm also way too aware that I could go in an instant.

Death always comes too soon.

Zach was flipping through it when he started crying and I felt so bad about it. I mean yay - I won Christmas - but I didn't mean to make him sad. I just wanted to be sure they have something that will always remind them of me.

Every time they cook a recipe from that book, no matter which recipe they choose, they will see "Love, Mom" at the bottom of the page.

But my boys both love to cook so I knew it was a good gift for them. I don't know about Duncan. But I do have a copy of his mother's potato soup recipe written in her hand so Rob printed a copy and we framed it for him.

Even Duncan was suprised by how much it moved him.

Xander was more stoic but I think he liked it too. And someday he will be glad I included my green bean recipe.

Rob and I promised not to spend much on each other for our birthdays and Christmas this year, but I still managed to surprise him.

I bought all 4 of them bracelets from Inspiration Co - Rob liked it so much we went out yesterday and bought me a matching one. For what its worth it looks like everything is currently on sale 50% off on the website - or you can go in person to Stonebriar in Frisco. They have a store on the second level and a kiosk on the bottom level in front of Bath & Body Works.

But more importantly l bought gifts for my Swiftie. I got him a Swiftie friendship bracelet and a book of fascinating facts about Taylor Swift (which appears to no longer be available). He was laughing when he opened it but I could tell he loved it.

And we are going on a cruise! We will be on Princess cruise line which is The Love Boat cruise line - it's a first for me. I've done Carnival, NCL, and Royal Carribean in the past. We will be going to Cozumel, Belize, and Honduras (not necessarily in that order) and we got an INCREDIBLE deal on a balcony cabin.

We didn't get to go on vacation last year due to my unemployment situation, and honestly it wasn't looking too good for 2024 either. But we received a generous gift from his stepmother and we are using some of it to finance the cruise.

If anyone deserves a vacation after the year we've had, it's Rob. He's kept us afloat (pun intended) but it's meant he's been working long days and often all weekend. I hate that he's had to do that but I'm so grateful to him for doing it.

But everyone needs a holiday.

So what's next? I had a missed call about a job last week! Sounds like a great opportunity - it isn't remote but the office is close. Pay falls well within my desired range. I have all the experience required - and they didn't require a college degree. It's mortgage but not processing. That's all I know so far.

I did call back immediately and then followed up again 2 days later but it's the holidays so maybe she's out of the office? At this point I feel like I shouldn't call again until maybe Wednesday of next week?

What do you think?

I want to be enthusiatic, not annoying. Its a fine line. I've left two messages already. Maybe I just need to be more patient?

I'm not good at being patient when it comes to hearing about a job.

I'm also getting my hair done on Thursday. Thought I would go back to <gulp> brown again just in case it's the purple hair that is preventing me from getting a job. It shouldn't, and I used to say if me having purple hair makes you not want to hire me then that's not a company I want to work for.

But this is Dallas, and being unemployed for 9 months has a tendency to shift your perspective a wee bit.

I'm not entirely sure what we are doing - I sent some inspo pics and some guidance and we will see what happens.

And did I mention the silver lining in this cloud? Maggie is getting married next year and she asked if I would help her plan her wedding in exchange for hair services!

Um....yes please and thank you!!!

She's such a magician with color that I hate wasting a freebie on boring brown but I'm sure she will sneak in some pizzaz for me too.

I'm changing up the style a bit too. Thought maybe that would help take the edge off about going somewhat natural.

And if I hate it I can always go back to pixie cut.

New year, new me right? Or at least new hair?

BTW this post is not sponsored nor do I receive any financial compensation from any of the links. I just like sharing stuff I like

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