Originally published on 05/22/2019
*WARNING* this note is angry and full of very colorful language. I am done being nice. At least for today.
I’ve tried taking the high road. I have STRUGGLED to not hate him. I have clung to the memories – so I didn’t have to feel like it was all a lie. And I knew today would be hard. It’s his birthday. And my Facebook memories showed me 10 years worth of me expressing my love and gratitude for him.
I wished him happy birthday this morning. I’d like to say I am a better person than this but I didn’t wish him happiness…actually the opposite. I wished for a lot of other things. But – and I am ashamed to admit this – I wish him nothing but misery right now. He does not deserve to be happy. Not forever, just not right now.
And here is why.
Because he left me for a garbage piece of shit homewrecking French whore. Because when I trusted him to travel the world without me he decided to fuck someone else. Because he didn’t have the balls to say no. And the fucking coward lied to me about it all.
He says he is in love with her. He says “children are a possibility”. Well they were a possibility with me too you fucking piece of shit. “Your boys are my boys.” That’s what he said when I asked him – years ago – if he wanted to have a baby. “I don’t need one of my own.” YOU FUCKING LYING GARBAGE PIECE OF SHIT
She told me that when she first wanted more from their friendship last March that he said no. That he loved me and we had a great life. And she fucking pursued him anyway. She went after an allegedly happily married man even after he said no. She is a fucking garbage excuse for a human being.
And so is he. He could have kept saying no. He could have removed himself from the relationship. I could try to put all the blame on her but he didn’t have to fuck her. He didn’t have to stay friends with her until he fell in love. Obviously there was something broken between us but instead of coming to me to try to fix it he kept traveling to Europe to fuck her. He let me keep believing we were happy. And made me feel like shit for ever being the least bit jealous about all the travel.
She said she tried multiple times to end it. BULLSHIT YOU FUCKING WHORE you live on another goddamn continent – it would have been super easy to not pursue him. But neither of you cared how many lives you were ruining.
I still don’t know exactly how long the affair has been going on. Neither one will give me a straight answer. But I know – assuming I can believe her – that nothing physical happened until June so I have that at least.
But to be clear, although I am most certainly not happy about the affair - I am most upset because he lied to me. He betrayed me. All I ever asked was for him to be honest with me. I wasn’t giving him what he needed and instead of talking to me about it he went and found someone else. After all that we have been through he didn’t think we deserved a fighting chance. And he still won’t explain the why and I know he never will.
So why today? Because Facebook was kind enough to pop up her birthday post for him today right in the middle of my newsfeed. Because she seems to think it is #timetomakeitofficial. She couldn’t even wait TWO FUCKING WEEKS for my divorce to be final. So I agree. I think it IS time to make it official. It is time everyone knows exactly what garbage people the two of you are. And since he wasn’t garbage when I loved him, then it must be you bitch.
It feels like I’ve been punched in the gut (I wish you could see the full post for the extra gut punch - I have dozens of pictures of us in that exact same pose. One from our GODDAMN WEDDING DAY). I saw that post and I couldn’t breathe. I knew it would happen someday. I just wasn’t expecting it today. And frankly I thought she would at least have had the common decency to not post something like that until the divorce was final. But then, she didn’t have the common decency to not fuck another woman’s husband so there you go.
I’ve met her. A little less than a year ago. She was so nice to me and the whole time she was trying to steal my husband. My life. And I fucking hate her with every fiber of my being and then some. I hope she ends up alone and miserable just like me.