So here's the thing...I've been "blogging" on Facebook Notes since my world imploded. I have found it very therapeutic. But the really cool part is the number of friends that have reached out to me privately to tell me they have found it really therapeutic as well. And/or they really enjoy my writing style. A few incredibly kind people have even suggested I write a book. I lack the imagination for that but thought maybe I could take my writing a little more public? Maybe it remains something only my close circle of Facebook friends enjoys. Maybe it evolves into something else. Who knows?
I thought I would start by explaining the name of my blog "Birth of an Influencer". It's tongue in cheek because of something that happened when I was in New York. My Times Square photo caught the attention of BlueVenecia and they reached out to me about being a brand ambassador. Although flattered, I laughed because I have like 100 followers on Instagram. But if they want to send me free sunglasses, who am I to judge? So if you follow the link to their site, please use code SUZANNE10 when making a purchase. Obviously I will post pics when I get my sunglasses but that doesn't mean you can't check them out now. They also have some really cute jewelry. Tell your friends. ;)
Life moves forward. I wrote last Tuesday that I woke up feeling sort of renewed (for lack of a better way to express it). I wasn't sure how long the feeling would last but here we are a week later and I'm still surprisingly zen about it. It really is like something clicked in my brain - it's over, let's move on. I wouldn't say that I'm back to happy, fun Zan but I'm not spontaneously bursting into tears any more so that is definitely progress. I have even been able to talk about recent events this last week without crying! I'm firmly in anger for the most part...but I have definitely accepted that this is how my life is now, he doesn't care about me so fuck that and let's move on.
I started a Tinder. Oh my god what was I thinking? I did it just to kind of see who is out there. He gets to move on with his "hot" new girlfriend, why can't I move on? Guys. Tinder is definitely not the dating app I am looking for. I can summarize the profiles for you:
1. Must have at least one blurry or long distance photo - bonus points if it is your main photo
2. 99% of all single - well, some are admittedly NOT single - males have some form of facial hair. And I am not into that. At all. Even if you do look good with facial hair. I have my reasons - maybe that's for another blog post. Sidebar: this should have been the first clue to the beginning of the end with him. When he decided to grow a beard and didn't care that I didn't like it. I should have known then that someone else's opinion mattered more to him than mine. But I digress - and that's definitely for another blog post.
3. Profile must contain at least one photo holding a fish or mid golf swing.
4. All men LOVE SPORTS. ALL THE SPORTS. SPORTS! SPORTS! SPORTS!
5. All men LOVE the OUTDOORS. HIKING! CAMPING!
6. Profile should also include one or more photos with other men - maybe all your photos have other men. That way we have to guess which one is you.
7. Please be sure to include one photo of your "car"/"private plane"/motorcycle (the " " are because let's face it, who do you think you are fooling?)
8. Bonus point if there is a random attractive younger woman in your photo. Is she your ex? Daughter? A celeb? I will never know.
When I weed out anyone with facial hair, that is outdoorsy (because I am never going to want to go hiking or camping), looking for a fitness partner (yes you are hot and in very good shape but I am neither), or named similarly to either of my ex-husbands or my kids, that leaves me with about a handful of choices. Now the fun really starts.
Of that handful, I have had "conversations" with 2 of them. One seemed promising but keeps trying to steer the conversation to sex or sexy photos or something sexy and I keep telling him to slow down. I think that is going nowhere even though I did say yes to a TBD date. That I need to tell him no on now. The other went straight from I like your smile to "Hairs purple. Does the carpet match the drapes?" Really? Dude. You really need to re-think your life if you think that is appropriate.
Also I don't think I'm ready for a date. The thought terrifies me. As does remaining alone. It was fun checking out Tinder but I deleted it. I don't think that's where I am going to find my #thankyounext. But I do also think dating again will always terrify me so maybe I should just jump in? Can someone just tell me what the right thing to do is???
I went from having someone around 24/7 to having no one around ever. I've gone cold turkey on companionship. I could use a fix.
Stay tuned for more exciting tales from my non-existent dating life.