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When I Grow Up...

I had another Covid breakdown this week. I’ve lost count but it’s probably fairly accurate to say an average of one a month…some months have been harder than others.


This quarantine thing wasn’t so bad in the beginning. Don’t get me wrong, it sucked. I was so scared I didn’t let Rob or the boys come over for probably a month, maybe longer. And even then I would do my best to maintain a 6’ distance.


I remember feeling so isolated and alone. Spike was already gone so I was completely alone for weeks on end. I kept thinking I’d get through it because it couldn’t last forever. Right?


Right?


But here we are, staring at the one-year mark, just around the corner. I know technically it isn’t forever yet, but it sure feels like it, doesn’t it?


And I will keep doing it as long as it takes. Because I love my family and friends. And people I don’t even know (well some of them). Because I want to keep all of us safe.


But FUCK! I am SO. OVER. IT.


But now I’m doing a double mask when I go out.


IF I go out.


And I hate that because (a) it actually does feel like it is hard to breathe when you double up and (b) I feel guilty every time I go out. Or have people over.


I admit to not wearing a mask in my home when I have people over. And that number of people has been VERY small. And my head knows that’s stupid. If I would wear a mask to see any of these people in public, then I really should wear a mask to see them in private too.


It just feels so wrong. I don’t like wearing a mask in my own home.


Also – I don’t blame Ted Cruz for wanting to get away to Mexico.


Don’t get me wrong. I loathe him. And I think he is a poor excuse for a senator when he flees the country because Texas literally froze over.


But needing a beach? Yeah. I totally get that.


I love Texas. I love the USA. I actually consider myself pretty patriotic. That doesn’t mean I can’t also dislike things about them.


I hate that everyone thinks of Texans as dumb rednecks that love our guns and church above all else. I hate that people like Ted Cruz are considered the epitome of what Texas has to offer.


I hate that basic human kindness has become a baseline for politics. I hate that Trump supporters have co-opted the American flag to the point that now when I see one I assume the worst.


I try not to. But I do.


Anyway, potentially exciting news coming soon but I don’t want to jinx anything so that’s as much as I can say for now. And yes I know it is a tease but I am so afraid talking about it won’t make it happen.


I think it is time to crack open another paint by numbers. Stay tuned for that.


I love watching TV. I mean, I really love it. But I think I need a media break…I stare at a screen all day – technically two, then I move to the theatre (that’s what we are calling the movie room now. ‘cause we fancy like that.) and stare at a bigger screen. And then I move to the bedroom and stare at a smaller screen until I fall asleep.


Lather. Rinse. Repeat.


But yeah, I feel the need to break things up a little more.


But also I am weak and easily get sucked in.


Earlier this week I posed a question on Facebook, if you could pick my profession for me based on what you think I’m meant to do, what would it be?

From that one time when I really kind of was a sunglass model, I just didn't get paid. #blsunglasess #bluevanecia

The answers were interesting. Ranging from an RN to a Sunglass Model (which I assume was more tongue in cheek because if I could make a living doing just that, I definitely would).

But RN? I have the utmost respect for nurses and personally know several. While I take that as a high compliment, I would be a terrible nurse. I’d have a great bedside manner – I’d fluff your pillows, get you a snack, bring you whatever you need. But I do not do well with smells or needles. And while I acknowledge nursing is much more than that, for those reasons, I’m out.


There were some expected answers like event planner (been there, done that, didn't pay the bills), professional organizer (tried to - definitely didn't pay the bills), and interior decorator (I WISH).


But there were a few that flattered and shocked me: makeup artist/hair stylist (I definitely peaked in high school), personal stylist (since I live in constant fear of looking like a soccer mom, that was a cool thing to hear…not that soccer moms are bad, just – been there, done that), and fashion design (that would be so cool).


Fun fact, fashion designer was one of my favorite “games” to play as a kid. I wore out my Fashion Plates – at one time I even had a “portfolio” (a manila folder holding all my “designs”). My company name was something like Designs by Debra because I wanted it to be alliterative. That would have been a fun direction to pursue.


Also my Barbie was usually a former Miss America, former astronaut, paleontologist, fashion designer, movie star, singer, model, and President of the United States. Notice I said AND, not or.


My Barbie got shit done.


Anyway, I’m quite flattered anyone thinks I have enough style or flair to pull off any of those careers. It’s nice to see yourself from someone else’s point of view.


As long as it is a good one I guess. I suppose I could have gotten answers that would have been less flattering. Like BEFORE model.


This weekend was supposed to be the beginning of our “let’s finish up these small projects” weekends but I am feeling unmotivated. Which is the point I guess.


I wanted to start with our bathroom but we are having a plumbing issue so that room is off limits. And I am fully aware that I have plenty of other rooms to choose from and yet.


Meh. I’m just not feeling it.


Oh and for those of you not local (at least not in Texas), we had temps in the upper 70s this week. It was really nice. Perfect convertible weather. If you have a convertible. And anywhere to go.


And today it is in the mid-50s. THIS is your typical Texas winter. And this is why we were so woefully unprepared for the winter storm.


Also – and this has absolutely nothing to do with anything – I’ve had Joan Jetta for 2 years now. And I haven’t even put 7500 miles on her. 2 more years until I get another convertible.


I hope I can go places by then.


Here’s hoping you have a great weekend, wherever you are, free from any covid breakdowns. But if you do, I'm here for you.



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