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In the Rearview

I distinctly remember my first post of 2019. Daniel and I went to get pedicures on New Year's Day. I thought I was being clever when I posted a pic with the caption “How to start the year on the right foot”.

Let’s just say that won’t be a new annual tradition.

It is time for my annual look back. I usually do this as a reminder of all the amazing things that have happened in the year. And while there has certainly been a lot I would like to forget, I think it is still worth taking that look.

2019 started with a bang...that pedicure was the last good thing that happened for awhile. Daniel lost his job the next day, which is also when we found out Trixie needed a very expensive surgery. On the bright side, that gave us a perfect excuse to find a new home for our exchange student that had not been a good fit.

February. do I....?

February sucked ass.

That‘s when my world came crashing down. I found out my husband had been cheating on me, lying to me, and just general betrayal. I had to give up my beloved Bug, downsized my things, sold my dream home, and filed for divorce. With help from my amazing friends, I survived. It sucked beyond comprehension, but I survived.

March found me moving back to Dallas. I decided on the move because I couldn’t imagine staying in Austin without him. But frankly Dallas wasn’t much better at first since my apartment is literally minutes from the place where I first got to know Daniel (and literally around the corner from the marriage counselor we went to when my first marriage was failing). I had an amazing group of friends help me make the move - some in Austin that helped me pack up the truck, and some that met me here to unload it. I was humbled by all the love and support.

2019 wasn’t done with me yet. I soon found out Spike was living on borrowed time. And then the worst thing happened - Xander told me he had testicular cancer. I’m so grateful to say the surgery was a success and the prognosis continues to be good. And thus, finally something good happened.

We closed on the house in April and Daniel moved to Connecticut. Which would have been fine except it meant I officially lost my dog now too. Man I miss her.

May found me blind-sided when TFW posted a birthday message to him with a photo that just punched me in the gut. #timetomakeitofficial It hurt so bad that I nearly canceled my trip to NYC because I couldn’t stop crying. Luckily, I did not cancel my trip. It was amazing. I saw an old friend, a Broadway musical, Times Square, Central Park, and Lady Liberty. It was short but sweet and I look forward to returning some day.

In June, my divorce was finalized and a switch in my brain flipped. I cried my last tears over him. I started going out to the Pub more and hanging with a new group of friends. Leaving the apartment was good for my soul as well. I also attended my 30th high school reunion- because I’m that old now - and reconnected with some old friends. I dipped my toes in the dating pool with little luck. I went on one coffee date with an old high school friend, got scared, and put the kabosh on that idea. He’s distressingly persistent though.

July saw a visit from my lovely niece Berlin and my first real date in 12 years. I was so nervous I considered calling it off multiple times. But I didn’t let my fears get the best of me and had a really nice evening with Rob. Spoiler alert: I never went on dates with anyone else. I ended the month with the first of (hopefully) many road trips with Elliott and Matt.

August was notable for my first theme party with Rob - Elliott’s birthday luau. And we had a blast. September brought Chuy’s pajama party and then both Johnette and Louise each had a 1920s themed party. On the same night!

October. 2019 reared it’s ugly head and I said goodbye to my beloved Spike. The apartment is so empty and quiet without him. I miss him every day.

It wasn’t all bad though. We finally went on our big EuroTrip and it was wonderful. Except for the part where I fell and fucked up my ankle 3 hours in. It was painful and annoying and slowed me (I should say us) down but it didn’t stop me. And seeing Chrissy, Julia, and Jana was the perfect ending of the trip.

November started with an Austin road trip with Chase to congratulate Susie and Steve on their nuptials with the added bonus of seeing a lot of my second family. It was also when I hosted a spectacular (if I do say so myself) Woodstock themed party for Rob. And oh yeah. I celebrated my birthday too...#49 to be exact. Thanksgiving was quietly spent at my place with the boys and way too much food for 3 people.

December began with the expectation of a trip to NYC. When Peggilee texted me that she was sick with a fever on the day I was supposed to leave, I decided to cancel my trip. Obviously I was disappointed but I do think it was the right call. I saw lots of Christmas lights, Trans-Siberian Orchestra, baked a lot, and watched an obnoxious amount of Christmas movies. Rob and his son Duncan joined the boys and I on Christmas Day and we had a wonderful day.

Yes. The first 6 months sucked a massive amount. And yes, that suckitude reared it’s ugly head a few more times. But ultimately the year has ended on a high note. I’ve made many new friends and reconnected with many old ones. I've once again learned who my real friends are through the devastation of divorce. I’ve found a great man that loves me in spite of my issues and is patient enough to let me work through them.

Xander is healthy.

Let’s be honest - as much of a dumpster fire this year was, that last bit is all I really needed.

I don’t have a monopoly on pain and I know some of my friends have had difficult times too. I hope I haven't been so wrapped up in me this year that any of you feel neglected. And if you do, I'll try to do better next year. You have all been there for me and I hope you know I am always here for you.

And so, in spite of the trials and tribulations of this year, I am ready to greet 2020 with an open heart, an open mind, and a gentle plea...please be kind.

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