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More thoughts

I saw a reel/tik tok recently that I can't stop thinking about.

It was a plus size fashion blogger and she was talking about how much she hates certain types of compliments and specifically the word flattering (I've seen it in multiple posts from a variety of content creators - she's just the one that I specifically remember, even though I am not calling her out).

And while I am 100% for body positivity and anti-fat shaming, this bothers me.

I suppose it could be argued that a percentage of people when providing a compliment are implying you look less fat or more palatable to the eyes.

Am I naive to think those people are in the minority?

Can't a compliment of "that dress is so flattering!" mean just that? When did flattering get a negative connotation?

And are we only considering it a negative when referring to one's appearance, or are we cancelling the word altogether?

What is wrong with saying the dress enhances your appearance?

I'm genuinely curious - am I the one in the minority here?

I get that we should stop complimenting people on their size. Definitely stop being obsessed with celebrities and what their bodies look like.

I guess? I mean I 100% do not want to contribute to anyone's body issues...but is it still ok to find people physically attractive? Is that allowed? Can I still drool over Ryan Gosling or Joe Manganiello or Antonio Banderas?

I'm not being facetious. I really want to know. I don't want to be a double standard.

Though for the record, if you think I'm losing weight it is always ok for you to comment on that. Because I've been working on being healthier and a part of that is definitely losing weight. And yes, I hope it is noticeable. That is encouraging to me.

I don't know. I want to be open minded and mindful of others but I'm having a hard time keeping up.

Oh god. Am I turning into a *gulp* Trumper?

No. I'm definitely not. I'm just not sure how to navigate the world anymore. Or at least, parts of it.

Here's the thing: I love compliments. I love to give them and I love to receive them. I don't care if you like my purse, my shoes, my shirt, my hair, my eyes, my dog. Whatever - you can compliment me on any of it.

Is my self worth dependent upon your compliment? Absolutely not. But it doesn't mean it doesn't make my day either.

And I will compliment you. And I hope I don't offend you and I hope that you can tell I am sincere. I will compliment a stranger if something catches my eye.

And I don't do back handed compliments.

The other night we were relaxing in the hot tub and Duncan was there. And he's kind of tired of working retail but he doesn't know what to do instead. And obviously I am going through the same thing so we were talking about it.

And somewhere along the conversation it turned to interviews and I said how much I hate them because I don't always give off a good first impression. Or third.

Or fifth.

I can be an acquired taste.

And Duncan agreed with me. (I knew it!) He said I was hard to read at first.

Which I've been told before and I find puzzling because there's nothing to read. I am how I am, flaws and all.

I never have a hidden meaning. I promise if you are reading something into what I've said, that's your issues not mine.

I strive to be tactful but I don't always succeed. And I don't lie. Do I have RBF? Is that part of it?

I don't know. I know you can't please all the people all the time. I guess there are three things you can be certain of in life: death, taxes, and you can't please all the people all the time.

I had a virtual interview yesterday. And I don't mean it was a zoom call. Is this how things are done now?

First, for the record: yes this is a legit company/job - I received a reference from a friend. It is a large, national company. It is not a scam.

I received an email saying I had been chosen for an interview and to follow a link - that it would take approximately 30 minutes, and I could not stop once I began.

The first page was an introductory video explaining the process. I had an opportunity to do a few practice questions to make sure my camera and microphone were working...which is when I took a quick break to change into a blouse and slap a little makeup on.

But once practice was over, it began. It was 10 questions but I think only 5 required a video response.

I was off to a rocky start on number one because the question was how has my past experience made me a good candidate for this position (I'm paraphrasing). And you have 1 minute to prepare before recording starts.

Well I'm already unprepared. Do you know how many jobs I've applied for? I can't remember which is which. Nothing in the invitation or introduction reminded me of the specific job I was applying for, and 60 seconds was not enough time for me to go digging through my emails to find the original job description.

Which is why I already hate this process. In a live interview - even if it is on zoom - I can ask for details about the position. What would a successful candidate look like? Then I can tailor my response appropriately.

Instead I had to wing it. I said a minute was not enough time for me to research exactly what the position was and then I outlined my generic skills (organized, multi-tasker, hard worker, quick get the picture) and how I feel they would translate into any position.

I don't expect a call back.

From a job seeker perspective, I can appreciate that this process would have enabled me to do that on my lunch hour, first thing in the morning, or when I got home - no need to take off work (assuming I am employed). No need to fake a doctor appointment or call in sick, no questions about why I'm all dressed up.

That was nice.

But it was also really impersonal. It would have been helpful if the interview invitation included at least a summary of the job. I was unable to ask any questions of my own to help determine if the job is right for me. I didn't learn anything about the company or culture. I have no idea what the expectations are.

Except that it isn't a remote position. Which is another reason the virtual part bothered me...I'm expected to come into the office 5 days a week and you can't even hop on a phone call?

I realize from a hiring standpoint this is a much more efficient way of at least beginning the hiring process, but from a prospective employee standpoint (at least this one), I found it off putting.

But my favorite part was the survey afterward: based on this interview, how likely are you to recommend X company to a friend? Ummm zero? This interview literally told me nothing about the company - why would that make me want to recommend it to anyone?

Back to the drawing board.

I found out some news yesterday and I have a lot of thoughts on it. I hesitated to include it in a post because what if it gets back to someone but then I remembered that's why I started this blog in the first place (not for them to read it but for me to talk about it) so here goes.

The French Whore is pregnant.

I'll spare you my initial un-Leslie Knope like thoughts.

Here's the thing. I've been expecting this news since day one. That was one of the reasons he gave for leaving me for a younger woman, because he wanted to start a family.

Never mind he had a family. Never mind that he said my boys were his boys. Never mind that I asked a lifetime ago if he wanted to have a baby and he said the boys were enough.

He was a good step-dad and I'm sure he will make a good father. Assuming he doesn't get bored. Assuming he doesn't fuck around (if he isn't already) and actually sticks around for 18 years.

Wonder what they will tell the child about how they met? How mom split up a happy marriage (I know, how happy was it if she could do that)? How mom is a whore that went after a happily married man and ruined (I know it isn't ruined now but it was at the time) another woman's life just so she could move to the US (also why?? I've never understood that part). Will they lie and say dad was in a miserable loveless marriage as his propaganda would lead one to believe? I doubt it.

But mostly my concern is for the child being brought into that home. THEY do not deserve to be happy. I never wanted a lifetime of pain and misery for them but they do not deserve to be happy together.

But now they are bringing a child into this and I can no longer wish that because I can't wish that misery on a child. Now I have to hope that he has finally grown up (can a narcissistic sociopath change?). Now I have to hope that he doesn't fuck around on her. Or that she doesn't fuck around on him. Now I have to hope that they have at least 18 happy years together because I can't wish an unhappy childhood on an innocent child.

And yeah. I'm feeling a little salty about it. I'm not bitter, but I'm mad that I can't have that last little shred of pettiness anymore.

And I am GRATEFUL that he and I didn't have a baby because I can't imagine going through 2019 with that additional complication. Not to mention it would mean I would have had to talk to both of them all this time. *shudder*

Did everything work out for the best? Obviously. Rob actually loves me the way I thought Daniel did. We are happy and fulfilled and other than money have everything we could want or need.

What end does it serve for me to be salty about any of it? None. It's just human nature. Trust that I don't spend my days thinking about them. I rarely give either of them a passing thought. I am no longer dwelling on it - that ended years ago. But if I am being honest - and you know I always am - I am disappointed that they are still together. Surprised even. I definitely thought being in lockdown would have put an end to them.

C'est la vie.

I'm down to just missing my car and hating both of them for making me lose her. But at least I had her, however brief. I mean, how many people can actually say they had their dream car?

That's all I have for now. If you have a spare moment, can you send some positive new job vibes my way?

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