My Cup is Full
I don't know about you, but my cup is FULL.
Have I talked about this before? Forgive me if I repeat myself. But then if I am repeating myself, I guess it bears repeating.
But before I do a deep dive there, let's talk about REELS.
I know that reels are mostly Facebook stealing the TikTok concept, but I don't have to download a new app so it works for me. I've learned some interesting things from them.
Some times it is useful cooking hacks. Or fashion and make up tips. I've even seen some wedding reels that while not exactly mind blowing, have led me to other ideas.
I mostly love it though for the positivity I see in the videos. I don't usually go to the comments unless there is something I don't understand, so I don't see much negativity. And I've learned some good life lessons there.
I've learned from Elyse Myers to stop being so critical of myself in photos. I'm really guilty of this. She said she has been trying to focus on at least one good thing in her photos, instead of all the self-perceived flaws. It's a simple concept but one I really struggle with. I don't even know why.
I mean I know why. Years of conditioning from others. But what I mean is why, if I know those things to not be true, do I continue to say them about myself? Why can't I treat myself as someone I love?
Another person I found via reels is Kojo Sarfo - he's a mental health professional and has the credentials to back it up. I checked him out. He does a lot of reels speaking about ADHD, bipolar, depression etc and he breaks it down into easily digestible nuggets. It's not only helped me to better understand Duncan, but it's made me think about myself too - I'm semi-convinced that I have some sort of ADHD now. It explains a lot for me.
I honestly can't remember what reel it was or who posted it. I just remember the cup analogy. And it's basic and I sort of knew it but I guess there was something about the way it was presented that resonated with me. Essentially we all have a cup (I've also heard it explained as spoons but that never clicked for me) and it gets filled with the different things in your life. Every task you complete fills up the cup a little more.
And man, my cup runneth over.
Obviously it runneth over from good things - I once again have a great life: wonderful man, great kids, fantastic home, good job. In many ways, life is really good. I know it and I appreciate it.
But it also runneth over from stress. My cup is full. I work full time - luckily it isn't really a high stress job and is pretty contained to 8-5. But that's still 8 hours of the day.
I'm trying to be a good partner to Rob. I love him and I believe we have the loving relationship I only thought I had before, but it takes effort. Anything worth having takes effort and I am not complaining about it. Just a statement of fact, it's filling my cup.
I try to be a good mother. I love my boys and would do anything for them - yes Duncan included. If there is anything I can do to make their lives better, if it is within my means, I will do it. This isn't a bad thing, but it fills my cup.
I'm planning the wedding. And yeah, it's my thing. But it can also take up a lot of time and quite often at the end of a long day at work, the last thing I want to do is sit on the computer and do more work. Even if it is something I want. Rob isn't exactly un-helpful but he frequently defers to "whatever you want is fine with me" and I hate to say it but it is so typically male. If I ask for an opinion, I want it. I've chosen 42 other things without your input, help me on this one. Anyway, that adds to my cup.
There's also housework. Which I have never been great about. Don't get me wrong, I try to keep a tidy home. But there's always an undisturbed layer of cat & dog fur and dust just on the surface. I hate cleaning. But with our recent dual paycuts, even our once a month cleaning service is on hold. I recently told Rob he could tell when I am stressed by one easy clue...I took my shoes off and didn't immediately put them away. And my bathroom counter was getting cluttered. Basically if I stop putting things away it is because my cup is full and I just don't have the capacity for anything else.
Then there's the social aspect of my cup. Checking in on friends - going out. And I don't mean it to sound like I don't want to do those things because I sincerely do. But it's exhausting when it's on top of everything else.
But there's no room in my cup for me. How am I supposed to find time for proper diet and exercise and any other sort of self care? It's one of the reasons I get my nails done. I can do them myself, but I don't. And they wouldn't look as good. So I try to carve out a few hours every 3 weeks or so to pamper myself and get my nails done. And I have a monthly facial or massage as well. But a few hours here and an hour there twice a month is hardly enough.
Anyway, it's a lot. And I am sure your cup runneth over too (and maybe that's why the cup analogy resonated with me because that's a phrase I've heard all my life though usually with a good connotation).
I know that self-care is important but 9 times out of 10 by the time my work day is done I have no energy to do anything for myself. And I am also well aware that if I would force myself to exercise then perhaps I'd actually have more energy and feel better in general and the obvious solution would be to then get up and work out first thing in the morning before I am too tired. But I love my sleep too and already hate getting up at 7:50 so I can be at my desk at 8.
I know. I know. The answer to most of the problems I have discussed in this post is to just get up and exercise first thing in the morning. Problem solved.
Now I just have to actually do it.
#stilllucky #infinitelybetter #mycupisfull #itsreallyagoodthing #selfcare #workingonme