Time is weird.
Like how every week it seems to take FOR EV ER for Friday to get here but then when it does it sort of feels like it was just the weekend. And then you blink and the weekend is over and it's Monday again.
Or how a minute flies by until you try doing a wall sit.
Or when your entire world comes crashing down around you unexpectedly and you think you will never be able to find happiness again. And suddenly it is 6 months later and you ARE happy. And it isn't an anomaly any more, it's the norm.
I can't say life is back to normal. You know that. My life was a literal dream and I had everything and everyone I ever wanted. And I don't have almost any of it anymore.
But each day is getting better.
I still miss the material things - far more than I miss him - and I hope that doesn't make me come across as shallow. I don't think I am shallow. But I also don't think there is anything wrong with taking pride in what you have...like the home of your dreams. Or the car of your dreams. And when those things are suddenly taken from you I don't think it is wrong to miss them. I worked long and hard for the life I had and I was grateful for it and proud of it. I just feel like I've taken such a giant step backward. I hope to one day say I am living my dream life again but I don't want to be greedy either. I'm trying not to dwell on it - some days are easier than others.
Back in June I made a decision to make a conscious effort to get out more. I started small by going to the Pub once a week. That was safe. I knew Matt would be there and his friends embraced me and have quickly become my friends.
And I started making plans with friends. I'm trying to make more of an effort to get out and do things even if that means putting myself out there and getting rejected sometimes. I don't have to be doing something EVERY SINGLE NIGHT but I'm also not waiting for the weekends. There's not enough of those anyway.
And you know I put myself out there with the dating apps. With limited success. But it only takes one, right? And since you have probably been following along, you know that I have made a successful match. Even though I've been questioning it. A lot. Because of reasons. I've been making a lot of excuses. I've been overthinking it. I'm trying to relax about it.
A couple of weeks ago, Magan made a good point. I'd been saying how I just want to be sure I like Rob for the right reasons and not because he is the only one interested. And she pointed out that not only was he not the only one interested but I stepped back from warning signs from others when I saw them.
She's very smart.
And then just earlier today I was talking to my friend Kristy and I said I just wish I met him a year from now. Because there's potential for staying power and I wasn't looking to get into another relationship right away.
"You weren't looking to get divorced either."
Surround yourself with smart people. They can help you see things more clearly - if you are willing to listen.
I have taken Rob to meet my friends at the Pub. And they all seem to like him. No one has expressed any concerns to me.
And if you need a sign of how much I like him? Last Wednesday night I went to a RUSH concert film with him. Though I did say that I will hold onto that for use at a later date...probably something Christmas related.
And I met a few of his friends on Saturday night - and they were delightful. I also can't shake this overwhelming feeling of deja vu that I know them even though I don't. Like I swear my brain has time traveled to the future where we are all fast friends and have hung out together a ton already and those "memories" keep popping up.
I know I sound like a lunatic. Just saying. I get really strong deja vu sometimes but never quite like this.
We've been preparing for party season. Friday was Elliott's Luau party and in two weeks we have Chuy's Pajama Party followed by Bill's '80s party 2 days later. And later in the month we have at least one 1920's theme party that I CANNOT wait for. And we aren't even in October yet.
Whenever I start to doubt whether moving back to Dallas was a right move, I'm going to remember all of these theme parties. I'm amongst my people again.
Sorry Austin - I tried but too many of you complained about my themes. Also I'm working on a theme for my birthday this year. Stay tuned.
Speaking of October, we've had to change our EuroTrip plans and push it back a week. Which I'm crossing my fingers means I won't miss any great Halloween parties (though obviously the trip is worth it). It also means France is out because Cecelia isn't available that following weekend. BUT...sounds like Jana (and I'm hoping Chrissy and Julia) will meet me for a weekend in London! So that's exciting!
Also I've been trying to warn Rob about the upcoming holiday season. And how much I LOVE it. I'm a little nervous about Halloween because obviously I loved it but it was really sort of our holiday. Daniel used to try to say it was our Christmas - I would always correct him and say Christmas is my Christmas but I love Halloween too. Besides, I gave up a LOT of Halloween decor when I moved.
I'm still pissed about my giant spider.
I sort of held back about Christmas with him because he didn't get into it as much. But no more. I will hold back my holiday love for no man! I've warned him that starting the day after Thanksgiving I listen to Christmas music 24/7. And if the TV is on, it is most likely a holiday movie or special so don't bother asking if I want to watch something else. I even love those trite, cheesy Hallmark Christmas movies and I will not be shamed for it any longer!
On the plus side, I will also bake a lot and he actually likes desserts.
Daniel was neither a fan of cheese nor sweets. I should have known we couldn't last forever. The signs were there all along!