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Self-Quarantine Diary - Day 8, Round 2

So how is your quarantine going?

I feel like I spend even more time on Facebook now than usual. I can’t help but constantly refresh my feed. I don’t know what news source to follow anymore so I wait to see what friends post and then try to vet what sounds real. Which is a challenge since everything that has happened since November 2016 is surreal.

Speaking of, Tiger King is surreal.

Man – that docuseries has certainly taken the world by storm, hasn’t it? It feels like everyone has watched it.

I mean every single time you think it can’t possibly get any stranger, it does.

Again. And again. And again.

Hopefully the main takeaway people get from it isn’t just what really happened to Don Baskin, but keeping exotic animals as pets is wrong. She may be a bit of a wacko, but Carole is right about that.

It is hard to imagine ever getting tired of the Tiger King memes. They crack me up.

Things I am tired of seeing /reading about:

Trump supporters claiming everyone else is blaming Trump for the pandemic. And yes, I know people that say this. Personally.

While I can’t speak for everyone, I don’t *think* anyone blames him for the pandemic.

What we do blame him for is his slow response. We blame him for defunding and firing key personnel that would have enabled us to handle this in a more timely manner. For him treating it as a joke or hoax. For him bragging about his ratings for his daily briefings or how he is #1 on Facebook (as if that is what is important). For his failure to comfort a scared nation.

We blame him for putting the economy above people. For poo-pooing science.

I’m tired of reading posts from people saying this is a hoax or we are over-reacting. While I emphatically do not believe this is a hoax, I am one of those that initially thought everyone was over-reacting. It’s just a cold, right? A man cold, but still a cold.

Except it isn’t. It actually is serious. And it isn’t just killing the elderly or immuno-compromised. It’s killing young, otherwise healthy and fit people. It isn’t just a cold. Since it seems to attack the lungs, maybe people should stop comparing it to the flu and compare it to pneumonia instead. Maybe then people would take it more seriously?

And I know people are joking about it online via memes and such and I get it – they are funny. And I completely understand humor as a defense mechanism – who doesn’t need a laugh? But at the same time, I worry that the memes are more and more starting to make people think it isn’t a big deal. Is our defense mechanism part of the problem?

PS Please don’t mistake this for me saying enough with the jokes, this is serious. I’m just making an observation. To be clear, I enjoy a good laugh in times of crisis as well. My sense of humor is highly inappropriate.

And again, I ask anyone still thinking this is a hoax or just not treating it seriously enough, why would DISNEY close their parks indefinitely for a hoax? DISNEY people. The happiest place on Earth. Open year round since they have opened, is CLOSED. Indefinitely.

Businesses don’t close for a hoax. Especially huge corporations. Think of the revenue lost because of this. It’s not a hoax. And the sooner people realize that, the sooner we get through this.

I’m surprised no one has blamed all of this on Hillary yet. Maybe they have and my friends are just smarter than that. Even the Trump supporting ones.

I know most (hopefully) all of you reading this agree with me. I know that my friends and family that read this blog are all taking the necessary precautions. And I love you for it. And I know the people on my Facebook feed that need to see this are probably not the ones reading it.

So yeah, preachin’ to the choir.

Same pajamas, different day. #quarantineselfie

I also know I might be slightly over-reacting now. I’m once again in self-quarantine – currently day 17 (*including 24-hour hospital stay. Or day 8, Round 2 if you are more of a purist.). I’ve had no physical contact with anyone since last Tuesday when Rob brought me home from the hospital and stayed with me watching TV for a couple of hours. I did see Xander for about 10 minutes yesterday (he needed to borrow my vacuum) but I did not invite him in and we kept a respectable distance from one another.

It was weird saying goodbye to him and not giving him a hug.

Magan thinks I’m being a bit of a martyr by not seeing Rob. Her argument is I saw him last week so we have already exposed each other to whatever cooties we may have. And she isn’t wrong in that respect. But I can’t help it. As much as I want the company, I just can’t bring myself to let him come over. Or go over to his place. I’d maybe relent if it meant staying in place together but that isn’t an option.

I’m just trying to do the right thing, and I’m not clear on what that is.

Also, I’m sort of terrified of getting sick and not having anyone to take care of me. And Rob has already said he would come over in a heartbeat – now or later – and take care of me if I got sick. But then I would DEFINITELY be putting him at greater risk so I’m not even sure I would allow it. Frankly, I think it would make matters even worse because I would feel guilty the whole time.

And if I’m being 100% honest? I don’t know if I would risk it for him. This shit has me scared. I’d rather not die just yet (and yes, I’m well aware that is an extreme response but it’s still a possibility).

I miss him. But I also don’t want to risk either of our health’s more than necessary. It isn’t worth the risk.

Does that make me a bad person?

One of my customers that is currently stuck in Mexico told me that her granddaughter in NY has tested positive for COVID-19 and the hospital sent her home. And she has to be isolated in her room. Her husband leaves food for her at the door of her shut bedroom. All I can think about is how scared and lonely she must be feeling. I hope she gets well soon.

Everyone is reacting to this differently. I know a lot of people that seem frustrated and inconvenienced even though they are adhering to restrictions. I see people making masks for hospitals or by special request. I see people trying to lift spirits anyway they can. I see all of you.

It’s my friends that are not on Facebook that I find myself the most concerned for. I know a surprising amount of people that shun social media in all (or at least most) forms. And while kudos to them, I wish they would be on Facebook now so I can know they are ok. I’ve reached out to them all via text but several have not responded. And I hope that is because they just were busy when they got the text and forgot about it. Or maybe mine got lost in a sea of other people checking in on them. But I still worry about them.

I just want everyone to be safe. And well. And stay that way.

I’m trying to walk a fine line between being informed and being paralyzed with fear. Just a few minutes ago I read a post from a nurse – not one I know – saying in the first 8 hours of her 12-hour shift, 3 of her patients died from complications from Covid-19. And one of those she said had been talking to her just 30 minutes before.

I don’t know. It seems like a lot. I want to believe people wouldn’t fake a story in a time like this but I’m enough of a realist to know it is possible. Is it true or sensationalism?

Most of the deaths I seem to read about are people younger than me. Healthier than me. More active. If someone young and in shape gets it and dies, what happens if I get it? I’m not young. I’m definitely not fit or active. And frankly I’m unclear on exactly how healthy I am.

I know it is completely unrelated, but I had a sizeable kidney stone last week. And I drink almost exclusively water. Nor do I eat a lot of green veggies because that can be a contributing factor apparently.

I know. I’m spiraling. Probably another reason why I need company.

I put in a lot of hours last month and ended up closing 17 loans. That’s kind of a lot for any month but it was my biggest March in at least 3 years. Which, in addition to all the overtime I got, also means a nice bonus.

So obviously my first choice went to I need a new pair of shoes. Don’t get excited, I don’t mean Louboutins or Jimmy Choos. I just mean a cute new pair of sneakers or maybe a replacement flip flop. It’s not like I’m spending money on anything else obviously.

But then I remembered I just spent the night in the hospital and my insurance isn’t very good so I expect that will be expensive. I should probably save for that.

But then I also found a potential new hobby kit on Amazon while doing some pretend virtual retail therapy (where I find lots of things I want to buy, put them in my cart, and then close the browser when I am done without buying anything. It satisfies the itch most days.). I’ll keep you updated on how that goes, should be here Saturday (fingers crossed).

Also in case you missed it, I put my lattice back up on my patio. I hated it being gone. I figure they can’t evict me now so why not? It really perks up the patio and I can use some perking up. Only 2 of my bucket plants have survived – my ivies – so I need to replace all of them. And I still have my pretty, but empty, over-priced plant stand in the corner. And my hibiscus completely died so I have that huge pot available.

I was really itching to go to a garden center this weekend and buy some plants, but I didn’t. I thought about hiring someone to do it for me but I kind of want to pick them out myself. Xander volunteered to bring me some today – he lives next door to a nursery – but he didn’t come over after all.

NOT that I want him going out either mind you. But he is already out and about most of the time because he works at Tiff’s Treats (as does Zach) and people still need their warm, fresh cookies I guess. And as is typical of his generation, he doesn’t seem terribly concerned about the pandemic. I can’t force him to stay home – he doesn’t live here anymore.

But I would much rather him stay home than bring plants to me.

Maybe I should look into ordering some seeds on Amazon?

I’m a little envious of the posts I’ve seen of some of your quarantine meals by the way. Especially since its inevitable that I see those posts as I am sitting down to a nice bowl of Special K or a Healthy Choice Steamer bowl (blech btw) for dinner. I am still trying to save money and not order take out but I can feel myself cracking any day now. I just want a pizza. Or a burger. Or a taco. Or all three.

I miss going out to eat. I know restaurants will be super crowded when all this is said and done and I’m going to gleefully wait in line. Of course, I will probably have a snack before I go…

OK…well I guess that’s all for now. I’m getting a little tired. Sweet dreams my friends. Stay healthy please.

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