Disclaimer: This post might come across as whiny or spoiled. Probably will. I know how good my life has been. How good it is. But that doesn’t diminish the challenges I currently face.
Clearly my life has changed a lot in this last year. The last 7 months.
There have been challenges. Learning to be alone. That’s not exactly right. More learning to live with being lonely. Getting used to the idea that I might not find someone again.
And putting myself out there again. It was scary at first. And frankly I wasn’t sure I was doing the right thing. But the more I put it off the scarier it became. And talking to men on various dating apps did not make it any less scary.
Until I met Rob. It was still scary at first. Heck. It’s still scary. Putting myself out there and opening myself up. Being vulnerable. Risking what there is of my battered heart. I’m doing my best to trust him. It took a while but I decided I had to let my guard down. Either I was going to go for it or completely back away. I refuse to let what Daniel did make me live in fear. I refuse to be afraid to find love again because of him.
He took SO MUCH from me. I can’t let him take my desire to be loved - to be in love - again.
So far the gamble is paying off. Things are going great with Rob. We’ve been seeing each other for two months already. We are making plans for the future. Near future at least.
He continues to seem to be a little too good to be true. He even sent me flowers this week. No reason. Just because.
My other biggest challenge is the lifestyle change. It’s not just about living in an apartment versus my dream house. Or driving a 4 door sedan as opposed to my dream car.
Its the little things.
I‘ve curbed my spending - I’ve talked about it before. I cook at home a lot more. Which is challenging because cooking for one sucks. I hate leftovers. But going out to eat or picking up take out just isn’t in the budget.
I never really thought I had a spending problem. But I guess you don’t notice when money isn’t really an issue. Now that I’m a little more conscious of what I spend, maybe I did? It’s weird to want to buy something and not be able to buy it - I’m not talking about expensive stuff either.
I want to to buy some cookie cutters. But I’m second guessing whether I should. And I started looking for a Christmas tree - but I’m second guessing if I should spend the money. Maybe I don’t need a tree this year?
Lol who am I kidding? Of course I need a Christmas tree.
I’m not exactly living paycheck to paycheck. I have a decent cushion but it won’t last forever. I spend more than I make each month. Maybe not by a lot, but definitely in the deficit. Then again, maybe that is the very definition of paycheck to paycheck. I'm just fortunate to have a cushion to absorb the difference.
And I have my EuroTrip next month. I have a substantial amount set aside but now I’m freaking out and wondering if it is enough after all.
And the holidays are here. But is it really holiday season if I don’t have fabulous nails to match? I can’t give that up.
So I won’t. I’m going to look for a part-time job again. Maybe I can find something fun and seasonal. Wish me luck.
Oh I also signed up to be a volunteer at Operation Kindness this week. It’s a no kill animal shelter here in Carrollton and where I originally found Spike. I’m worried he really isn’t going to last much longer. He hasn’t slept with me the last few nights. Maybe volunteering at OK will help me when he’s gone.
Be prepared for a lot of animals needing home posts.
So that’s It for now. I’m a whiny brat crying because I can’t buy everything I want when I want it with a great boyfriend that sends me flowers for no particular reason.