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It's surprising how busy life gets without ever leaving the house. Or rarely leaving the house. And yet time flies.


I have a plethora of topics to discuss but I'd like to get political for a second.


Well, I don't really want to get political, but I feel it has come to that.


I've been seeing an awful lot of "I don't care who you vote for, we can still be friends" posts lately. But the more I see of those, the more I realize the vast majority of those posts are from Trump supporters.


I'll touch more on that in a minute.


I'd like to make it clear that I have no problem with people having different political points of view. I don't actually care if you are Republican, Democrat, or Other.


Frankly, more often than not, I vote OTHER.


And as much as I know our country is not a two party system, the reality is - it is. If we are not ready for a woman President (yes, I am #stillwithher), we sure as shit are not likely to vote an OTHER nominee for President.


Which means any vote that is not strictly FOR Biden, is essentially for Trump. Because you know that OTHER isn't going to win.


And I know that Biden is maybe not your ideal candidate. He isn't mine either. But you know what else he isn't? A narcissistic sociopath.


That's what it boils down to for me. This is not a case of the lesser of two evils. Trump is evil. He openly calls for violence and hatred. He actively spreads lies. Isn't that reason enough to not vote for him?


I've tried opening a dialogue with Trump supporters. I know that no one owes me justification for how they vote. And yet I just don't understand how people get behind him. How does he have the lockdown on the Christian vote?


I just want to understand.


And the only justification I can see - since no one I personally know has been able to provide evidence to the contrary - is because deep down, they really do agree with him.


But even pretending for a moment that these people I know and love are not racists...their open support of him tells me and anyone else paying attention that racism is not a dealbreaker for them.


In case that isn't clear, RACISM is a deal breaker for me.


But then so was misogyny. And homophobia. And inciting violence and all the other blatantly inhuman things he says and does.


Because this isn't even about politics to me - and many others like me - anymore. Frankly Biden could probably stand on a platform of a whole bunch of conservative issues and I would still vote for him. Because although he is certainly flawed, he at least cares about people. He cares about the planet. I believe he is running for President because he wants to help people, not just himself.


Is he a career politician? Obviously. Is he going to make good on every campaign promise? Doubtful. But I believe he will try. And if nothing else, I will not have to worry about my civil liberties being taken away. Or those of people I love.


Because I have friends that are people of color. I have friends that are gay or bi. I have friends that are gender fluid. I have trans friends. I have friends that are immigrants. I have friends that are women. I have friends with health issues. And I love and care about every single one of them and I think they all deserve the same rights as anyone else.


And I believe Joe and Kamala care too. Despite whatever other flaws they may have, they care about people.


And Trump has demonstrated over and over again, that he simply doesn't. He only cares about what benefits him directly. Is that really the type of leader we want?


The vast majority of the Trump supporters I see claim to be Christians. But I don't think its very Christ-like to hate people that are different from you. I know I'm not church-y, but isn't that like a basic principle in Christianity? And yet historically people get it wrong time and time again.


Why haven't we learned from history yet?


So no, I'm not going to say "I don't care who you vote for". And yes, I know I'm going to catch hell for this. Hell most, if not all, of my family are Trump supporters. But if you think voting Republican is more important that being a kind human, then I don't think we can be friends anymore.


Because you supporting Trump tells me you are not a kind human. No matter what else you say or do, if you are voting for him then you are voting against kindness and empathy. You are saying LOUD AND CLEAR the only lives that matter are ones that look and think like you.


And frankly if you are not a wealthy, white man, I just really don't understand how you can vote for him as he has clearly and repeatedly demonstrated that is the only demographic he actually cares about.


NO, I do not want to surround myself with only people that look and think like me...again, a difference of opinion is fine. But I do prefer to surround myself with people that CARE about others.


If you are voting third party, that's on you. I understand you have to vote your conscience. But if you are not voting for Biden then you are telling me that your political ideals are more important to you than other people's rights.


And if you aren't voting at all as a form of protest because neither candidate is good, that's your choice too. But again, to me, you are putting yourself above others by not voting.


This election matters more than ever. I don't know how else to explain to you that you should care. I am exhausted from trying to explain to people why they should care. To put it in terms so they can understand.


I'm not saying I'll stop, but it is exhausting.


So no, if I know you vote for Trump, then we cannot be friends anymore. I need to be around people that think.


Sidebar: I find it hilariously ironic that that those of us opposing the currently administration are called snowflakes or sheeple. Also ANTIFA is the most hilarious. ANTIFA is short for Anti-Fascist, right? So if Trump says ANTIFA is organized against him and is an enemy of the people, then he's admitting he is a FASCIST, right?


From the Miriam-Webster Dictionary: Definition of fascism

1often capitalized : a political philosophy, movement, or regime (such as that of the Fascisti) that exalts nation and often race above the individual and that stands for a centralized autocratic government headed by a dictatorial leader, severe economic and social regimentation, and forcible suppression of opposition 2: a tendency toward or actual exercise of strong autocratic or dictatorial control early instances of army fascism and brutality— J. W. Aldridge

I didn't say it. He did. And I pulled this directly from his account.

********************

This post is taking a few days for me to write. I'm feeling so disillusioned right now and it is affecting me. I'm entering a grumpy phase of quarantine. I love Rob and I love our home and I love decorating for the holidays but I'm also a bit tired of being home all the time. I'm trying not to take it out on him but I know I've been short at times. I know I've been snippy when I shouldn't have (not to imply that there is an appropriate time to be snippy).


I mean, we have gone out a few times. We even had dinner with friends a few weeks ago. And Xander and his girlfriend came and stayed with us a few weeks ago.


Sidebar: It occurred to me that Xander is older than I was when I first met his father's mom. That was a sobering moment for me.


I get anxious every time I see someone (like dinner with friends) or I slip up and give someone a hug and I count the days until I've cleared the 14 day incubation period. Not just for me, but for them. I don't know how I would live with the guilt if I unknowingly passed COVID along to someone I love.


I don't consider myself an anxious person in my day to day life. But every time I go out or see other people I'm overcome with anxiety. And I still feel strange getting behind the wheel. There's an eerie quiet everywhere that I find unsettling - who knew I'd miss noise? And my heart starts racing if someone starts to get too close to me when I'm out in public.


I hate feeling like this. I feel like I am walking by myself in a parking garage late at night and I hear footsteps behind me.


All the time.


********************

In case this post is starting to come across a little holier than thou - which is emphatically not my intention - my initial reaction upon learning Trump has COVID was "Good! I hope he dies like the hundreds of thousands of people due to his mismanagement".


That wasn't a very kind thought.


But I don't really hope he dies. I won't pretend that I'll be sad when his time comes but I don't want to be that person. I don't want to wish death on someone. What I do want is for him to acknowledge the very real threat it poses and help the people of this country instead of turning it into a Republican vs. Democrat issue.


And to any Trump supporters reading this - asking for compassion and sympathy during this time, I ask where was your compassion and sympathy when the 200,000+ people in this country were sick and dying? Where is your compassion and sympathy for people that don't have your skin color or sexual orientation or genitalia? Where is your compassion and sympathy for people fleeing their countries for a better life?


Hell - if you are pro life, shouldn't that apply to people already BORN? Why does pro-life only apply to anti-abortion? Show me you are really pro-life.


********************

I don't know if anyone is still reading this, but I'm going to keep writing...


We finally completed our Halloween decorations this weekend! And it looks so good! We had multiple people stop to chat with us when we were putting it all together this weekend. Several people told us about a nearby street known as "Halloween Street" where every house gets involved in really elaborate decor - unfortunately they are not all participating this year (rumor has it). We did a drive by yesterday and one house was in process of setting up and it is pretty elaborate. Stay tuned.


I briefly entertained switching my outdoor Halloween decor to skeletons this year. I'm pretty much starting from scratch anyway so why not?


But I guess there are so many people doing skeletons now that our spider really stands out - at least that's what people were telling us.


Ultimately we decided to stick with the spider theme - it's still the scariest thing I can think of. And while I'm going to have to take a while to rebuild my collection, we are off to a good start.


Fun fact - Boris is so big we had to walk him around the alley to the front of the house because he wouldn't fit through the side yard. Also he's pretty heavy.

In case you are wondering, Boris is right at 9' across. #DIYHalloweenSpider

Know what else? Rob was a big help in building Boris and decorating. Which was awesome but slightly frustrating. I'm used to doing it all alone with minimal assistance. Daniel used to love to brag about the Halloween decor I would put out and he would always say Halloween was our Christmas (not true, Christmas is my Christmas), but he barely helped in any of the decorating. Basically I would do everything I could by myself and save whatever two person jobs I had for the very end. He would take joint credit, but he didn't do the work. If I'm being honest, that always bugged me a bit.


But Rob wanted to help. My only problem was he also wanted to have an opinion but I'm used to having full creative control. It was a challenge for me to let go and I didn't always do it graciously. But he hung in there.


This would be one of those examples of me being snippy.


Also Rob wanted to plan everything out in great detail as to where things would go and I know this will surprise some of you but I prefer to let my Halloween decor go up organically. I have a rough idea of what I want but I just sort of do it one step at a time. Concentrate on the one thing I am working on.


Rob wanted to be a planner. He was always trying to discuss several steps ahead. It all worked out but I'm going to need him to go with the flow a bit more when it comes to outdoor decor.


But it is really refreshing to be with someone that WANTS to be involved in that part of the process. Trust me, I am not complaining.


********************

I'm wondering how many people will read this post through to the end.


And now for the woe is me portion of my post:


I think the main reason everything is getting to me this year is because this is my favorite time of year. Last year, in just the month of September, Rob and I had gone to 4 costume parties.


Frankly I would have loved to have hosted a Halloween party at our house this year. It's already decorated for it!


And I missed out on Halloween parties last year because I was in Scotland and England with Magan and Darrell. It was worth it (even though my ankle still isn't 100%), but I did miss out on Halloween last year.


And we kept my birthday low key because we had a massive party for Rob's 50th instead. And I don't regret a minute of any of it. We all had a great time celebrating Rob and it was nice to have a more intimate dinner with some of my friends a week later for my birthday.


But I'd be lying to you if I didn't tell you I had a big plan for my 50th this year. And I KNOW I am not the only person this year celebrating a milestone birthday in a way that wasn't planned. That doesn't make my disappointment any less valid though.


I've been looking forward all year to having a 1950's themed cocktail party. I had a menu planned out (including mini bundt jello shots because how perfect would that be?). I was going to get a gorgeous cocktail dress from Unique Vintage (of course that was before I put on the COVID "19" so maybe this is one instance of a good thing). I was going to have a huge party and tell everyone how much they mean to me.


And then I thought about downsizing. Still having it but only inviting 8 people.


HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CONDENSE MY GUEST LIST TO JUST 8 PEOPLE?


It can't be done. Not only do I not want anyone to feel excluded, but I really want to see everyone. Now more than ever.


I even briefly toyed with the idea of having a bunch of small parties but that defeats the purpose of small groups doesn't it? If I only have 8 people over on Friday and another 8 on Saturday, what's the difference from having 16 in one night?


Kim had a small get together for her birthday and I felt bad about not going but it was also the weekend Xander and Savreet came (and was the first time I'd seen him in over a month) so I made the obvious choice to stay home.


For the record, I did bake 2 dozen carrot cake cupcakes and took them to Kim when I saw her the following week for my eye appointment.


But Kim's party was outside and she said people mostly kept their masks on which is VERY SENSIBLE right now but also just not how I want my party to be. And also it's in late November so I don't know if the weather will cooperate.


So instead of celebrating my 50th birthday in vintage style this year, I'll have to wait. Maybe next year 51 will be the new 50.


Also, how am I about to be 50 years old?


I know I joke about being old a lot but that's half a century. It has been a long and winding road with a lot of ups and downs to be sure, but at least I've made it this far.


Don't even get me started on Christmas.


I know I've promised you a post about the guest room so I'm going to double post today. Now that I've gotten everything else off my chest, that should be pretty easy.


Bottom line is, I love you all and I just want a world where we are all treated equally. I want a world in which I can travel again. I want a world in which I can celebrate my birthday (and all the other fun bits of fall) with loved ones.


PS I miss you.







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